By about the slimmest of margins, Jody’s Colossal Waste of Time hung on through a nail-biter of a fourth quarter, to beat the Sims Stereco, 43 – 40 and win the Eastern division. Having built up a sizeable lead by Sunday night, but out of player minutes, Jody could only watch helplessly as Stereco quarterback Drew Brees put on his Superman cape and threw 5 touchdowns in a 371 yard passing performance that earned him 22 points and Player of the Week honors – but it was not quite enough to give Sims his sixth win. Even with league leading Stereco running back Chris Johnson adding 13 points and kicker Mason Crosby chipping in 9, the Stereco couldn’t quite finish the job. C.W.O.T. quarterback Aaron Rodgers led his team with 14 points, running backs Stephen Jackson and LeSean McCoy added 8 and 6, and receiver Santonio Holmes scored 7 in the winning effort. Yet it was on defense where the game was ultimately won and lost, as Jody’s Steelers stripped 14 from the Stereco, while Sims Giants played small, taking back only 4.

So congwRATS!ulations are in order to Jody,who has won the East, as he has done more often than not; and Sims, at 5-7, is out of the playoffs, as he has been more often than not. The West may have put all its teams into the playoffs, but the 8-4 C.W.O.T. is guaranteed a tie for best record, and a win or a tie this weekend would give them best record and #1 seed in the postseason.

back to scoreboard

Two streaks continued, as the Abstract Machines pushed their winning streak to 6 and completed the push from worst to first in the West, with a 37 – 28 win over the free-falling Irwin Hellions, who now have lost five in a row after their 7-0 start. The Machines did it with brilliant coaching. Opting to start the ageless Brett Favre over Tom Brady, Favre responded with (a tie for) his best game of the season, a game high 17 points; while Brady, relegated to the bench, managed only a singleton – a swing of 16 points in a game the Abstracted Ones took by only 9. Of course, Favre did have help. Running back Thomas Jones scored 8 points; but, this was not a high scoring game. Irwin’s kicker Nate Kaeding led his team with 12 points, but Donovan McNabb tallied only 7, as did running back Ray Rice. Defensively, the Machines’ Saints took 12 points away from the Hellions, while the Hellions Eagles struggled for the third week in a row, managing just 8 takeaway points.

Now tied with the Hellions and Pirkle’s Wicked Oil Profiteer$ atop the Western division with 7-5 records, the division winner and playoff seedings will not be determined until the upcoming final regular season set of games. Any of the three – or none – could be #1 in the West after the final games are complete.

back to scoreboard

Doing what so many teams before them have done this season, the Piana Raze beat the Anderson Brewmeisters. The score was Raze – 38, Brew – 36 as Pierre Thomas and the homefield advantage pulled the game out in the fourth quarter. Ahead by 5 going into the Monday night finale, the Brewskies watched their slim chances for the playoffs evaporate as Thomas caught a 20 yard touchdown pass, putting the capper on a 7 point night. In fact, Thomas’s 7 was second on the team to Raze kicker Rob Bironas’s 9, which should indicate the relatively low nature of scoring of this game. The Brewmeisters actually had the two best player performances of the game in Ryan Longwell (13) and – who else – Peyton Manning (10), but also had two singletons and a goose egg. Brian’s Ravens defense was about as sorry as it gets, managing 4 takeaway points in a performance that tied for worst of the week; but, Mark and Eric’s Cardinals were not much better, as they split their score between a DTD and 3 points against in the defensive “Battle of the Birds.”

The winning Piana Raze are at 6-5-1 and ½ game back in the West with but one regular season game to go. With all five Western teams within ½ game of each other, the commissioner is going to be earning his keep this week figuring out the tiebreakers and seedings. I tried, but got dizzy and fell down. All I know is that my Brewmeisters are out of it, officially now, and likely headed for a meeting with the Pimps in the Draft Bowl.

back to scoreboard

Second verse, same as the first. Although the score was closer this time, the rematch of Pirkle vs. Pirkle ended with another win for the Wicked Oil Profiteer$, 37 – 25 over Pirkle senior’s Bock Boys. The Profiteer$ swept the season series and, in the process, vaulted over the Boys into a crowded, three-way tie at the top of the Western division. This game came down to defense – the Oilmen hit a gusher and the Bock Boys came out flat. Paul’s Vikings D stripped 23 points away from the Bock Boys, but Thomas’s Cowpokes managed just 9 takeaway points from the Wickeds.
On offense, the Bock Boys actually got a game high 13 from receiver Sidney Rice, and #2 receiver Donald Driver’s 10 points gave them one more double digit scorer than the Profiteer$. But running back Ricky Williams (7 points) was only good this week, and picked a bad time to throw a rare pass interception. The Oilmen, operating out of a single back set, were led by quarterback Phil Rivers and his 12 points, with receiver Marques Colston adding 9, and kicker Lawrence Tynes hitting two field goals for 7. But it would all have been for naught, had it not been for the stellar defense of the Vikings.

The Western division has gotten very top-heavy, with three of the five teams – including the Wicked Oil Profiteer$ - bunched in first place with 7-5 records. The good news for the now 6-5-1 Thomas Bock Boys is that they’re still in second place, and only ½ game back. The bad news is, with the Piana Raze also at 6-5-1, second place is last place. But, at least it’s all academic now, since all the teams in the West have made the playoffs. A lot will be riding on this weekend’s games for seeding, though. If P.W.O.P. wins, they win the division. I think. My head hurts.

back to scoreboard

Two of the three bottom feeders (sorry, no offense meant, we’re the third) met and played a fairly meaningless game of positioning for next season’s #1 draft pick. By virtue of being the home team, the Pimps won their fourth game of the year by a score of 15 – 14. It was a game that had more fireworks than the final score would make it seem. This is because about the only naughtiness in the Figs was their Green Bay defense, which was very, very naughty. The Packers stripped 21 points from the Pimps, and tacked on a DTD to go with it. But because the Figs leading scorers – RB Frank Gore and WR Roddy White – managed only 6 each, this 24 point total defensive effort was wasted. As the score indicates, the Pimps had deficiencies of their own. Their Dolphins D score 15 takeway points, and leading offensive scorer Miles Austin put up a dime; but after kicker Kris Brown’s 9, the points were few and far between. Receiver Randy Moss scored but 3, Beanie Wells reverted to his early season form with 2, and QB Matt Ryan got knocked out of the game early and posted an egg.

All of this puts the Pimps one game better than last week; but, at 4-8 they just can’t escape the Eastern division cellar, as the Figs and Brewmeisters are still ½ game less awful, at 4-7-1. Two of these will play each other in the Toilet – er, Draft Bowl. And it could be a repeat of this weekend’s regular season ending matchup between the Brewmeisters and the Pimps. Get your tickets early, they’re going fast.

back to scoreboard