Week 9 saw Pirkle’s Wicked Oil Profiteer$ become the third team to reach playoff eligibility. In what could be called a “statement” game, the Profiteer$ served notice to the Hellions that the Western division was not a done deal, hammering the Hellions in their own house. The Hellions, in dropping their 2nd straight game after virtually sewing up the division with seven wins to start the season, looked anemic, and had fans heading for the exits long before the 4th quarter gun sounded the end of this debacle. Running back DeAngelo Williams showed up, with 12 points on 149 yards rushing and 2 TD’s, but by the time he’d got untracked, the Hellions were already in a 10 point hole, as no other Hellion scored within 3 of fellow RB Ray Rice’s 9. The lethargy wasn’t limited to offense for the home team, as the Hellions’ Philly D managed only a mediocre 10 takeaway points. Meanwhile, the visiting P.W.O.P. were getting a team-high 10 point showing from QB Phil Rivers, who threw three TD strikes, with two of those going to Wicked receiver Vince Jackson (9 pts), and the other two (where, in fantasy, 2+2 can equal 3) being caught by Hines Ward, who tallied 8 points as the Profiteer$ pulled away in the 4th quarter. 8 was a good number for the Oilmen, as running back Rashard Mendenhall and kicker Lawrence Tynes joined Mendenhall with that score. In fact, Paul’s offense was so wicked, he really didn’t need the 13 points his Giants D stripped away from Chris’s Hellions.

The Hellions, now 7-2, are still a game up in the West, but now their lead has been cut to one, with four to go. Paul’s 6-3 record gives them a game and a half lead over the Raze and Bock Boys for #3 playoff seeding.

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The Sims Stereco, having played either great or lousy through the first eight weeks of the schedule, played merely decently Sunday, and it cost them the game and 2nd place in the East, as they lost by a single point to the Naughty Figs. Both teams played well offensively, and poorly defensively, and in the end, the home town crowd pulled the Figs to the win.
Led by quarterback Jay Cutler, whose 15 points ties him for game-of-the-week honors, the Figs got double digit performances from three players, as kicker Stephen Gostkowski nailed four field goals for 13 points, and RB Frank Gore came to life with 11, his second best game of the season. Sims also put three in double digits, as Chris Johnson posted a team high 14, with Larry Fitzgerald adding 12 and WR Mike Sims-Walker scoring 10. Defense was almost nonexistent, with the Figs’ Packers barely edging our Sims’ replacement 49’ers, 6 – 2.

The Figs have evened their record for the 3rd time in the last 5 weeks, and are again in 2nd place in the East, at 4-4-1. The Stereco fall back into 3rd, with a 4-5 record, but both teams remain solidly in the hunt for playoff berths, needing only a split of their remaining four games to qualify for the postseason.

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The Abstract Machines won their 3rd straight Sunday, as they eked out a two point win over the Piana Raze on the road. Having been given up for dead at 1-5 after the first six weeks, the Machines have finally found the right gear. Once again, the star for the AMs was QB Tom Brady, who posted a team high 9. However, the Machines got 8 from RB Ryan Grant, and at least 3 from their other 5 offensive starters. Mike f’s Saints D poured water on the Raze’s hopes for a win, by stripping away 12 from Brians team, and adding a DTD to put the game away.

The Raze were not without stars of their own, getting 15 from co-player-of-the-week RB Michael Turner, 12 from kicker John Carney, and 10 from RB Maurice Jones-Drew. But the Sunday night comeback fell short, as the hottest team in the league over the previous 4 weeks (3-0-1) dropped to 4-4-1 and into a tie with the Thomas Bock Boys for 3rd in the West. As a side note, the Raze’ quarterback controversy reared its ugly head once more, as Ben Roethlisberger’s 10 would have made the difference – had he only been the starter.

The surging Machines, though still in the cellar after their horrendous start, are now 4-5, and looking at a reasonable chance for the postseason. The Raze, Both teams need to go 2-2 over the final four weeks to become playoff eligible.

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By all rights, this one should have been called Steelers – 19, Bears – 1, because that’s where the Colossal Wasted of Time won this Eastern division game against the headed-for-Draft Bowl Pimps. Russ got a game-high 11 points from receiver Randy Moss, 9 from RB Julius Jones, and a couple of 4’s and 5’s. Jody’s QB Aaron Rodgers posted 9 points, as did C.W.O.T. RB Cedric Benson, while Ronnie Brown and Steve Smith (the good one, with the Giants) added a pair of 6’s. But the normally reliable Bears D let the Pimps down big time, managing just a single takeaway point; while Jody’s Steeler D was all over the field, recording 3 pics, 2 sacks, and a DTD to go along with 16 takeaway points.

The win moves the Time Wasters to a 6-3 record, and leaves them in the same first place slot in the Eastern division that they’ve occupied since their week 1 win over these same Pimps. Perhaps week 1 was an omen, as the Pimps, at 2-7, are only #1 in the hearts of their fans – and in the odds of hosting Draft Bowl XIII.

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The annual “Beer Bowl” wasn’t much of a contest, as the Thomas Bock Boys crushed the Anderson Brewmeisters 37 – 6 with a bevy of field goals and some “stout” defense. Boys’ kicker David Akers had a game-high 13 points, and was supported with 8 from QB Carson Palmer and 7 from WR Donald Driver. Meanwhile, the Krew of Brew was playing two men short, being without a kicker on Ryan Longwell’s bye week, and failing to provide a replacement for the injured Brian Westbrook (Doh!). Not that it really mattered, as two Supermen would have had a hard time making up the 31 point difference reflected in the final score. WR Steve Breaston (8 pts) and QB Peyton Manning (7) supplied all but 6 of the offensive points mustered by the Brewskies, and their Patriots Defense took an early Veterans Day holiday, stripping a paltry 4 points from the Bock Boys. Meanwhile, Thomas’ Cowpokes D came ready to play, and took back Manning and Breaston’s 15 points, turning what had been a close game at halftime into another hammering of the hapless, hopless Brewmeisters.

The Boys, having evened their record at 4-4-1, still have a reasonable shot at the playoffs, although they are in a tie for 3rd in the West, 2-1/2 games back of the Hellions, and only a half game ahead of the surging Abstract Machines. While not technically out of the postseason chase, the Brewmeisters, now at 2-6-1, would have to win each of their last four games to even qualify, a proposition that seems laughable, at best, for a team that reached Champioship week just last season. “I could sure use a good draft,” mumbled Brewmeisters’ managing General Partner, Mark Anderson, after watching his team sink to a new level of ineptitude. We’re not sure whether he was referring to next season, or maybe just wanting a pint of St. Arnold’s Divine, to help him forget this one.

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