The Anderson Brewmeisters and Jody’s C.W.O.T. went into the 4th quarter tied 17 each, but the 11 points scored by C.W.O.T. running back Ronnie Brown on Monday night proved the difference in the only close game of another weekend of blowouts. The Colossal Waste of Time got out to an early lead, but the Brew Krew gradually began a comeback. Kicker Ryan Longwell put in 9 points, and RB Brian Westbrook added 5, and when QB Peyton Manning threw for a game-high 13, the Krew and the time wasters were knotted at 17 going into the 4th quarter. But the Brewskies were out of ammo, and the final margin was left to Jody’s Ronnie Brown. Brown’s 11 points represented the team high, with receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh adding 10. For the Brew, it was mostly Manning and Longwell, as the season seems to be shaping up. Defensively, Jody’s Steelers played their best game yet, with 17 points against, while the Brewmeisters’ Pats D had its latest subpar outing, with just 7 takeaway points.

With a 4-1 record, the C.W.O.T. find themselves in familiar territory – atop the Eastern division – and with a game and a half lead over the 2nd place Naughty Figs. The once mighty Brewmeisters, on the other hand, seem to have gone to the well of Tomlinson and Westbrook one too many seasons, and are already looking at having to make a 5-3 run the rest of the season, just to make the playoffs.

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The Sims Stereco took a 56-17 beatdown from the Naughty Figs in front of an increasingly disappointed hometown crowd. With three Figs offensive players posting double digit scores, the Naughty Ones opened up a huge lead, and Sims was never able to get back into the game. Figs receiver Roddy White scored a season best and game-high 17 points to lead the victors, and for that he receives Player of the Week honors. RB Clinton Portis and receiver Brandon Marshall also picked week 5 to post season best 10 point scores, and the rout was on. Stereco receiver Larry Fitzgerald tried to lead a third quarter comeback, with 10 points of his own, but Fitzgerald received little support from his teammates. Brandon Jacobs (3) and Chris Johnson (2) combined for only a 5 point rushing “attack”, kicker Neil Rackers had but 4 PATs, and receivers Chris Cooley and Mike Sims-Walker (just picked up off waivers) failed to make any contribution. Defensively, the Figs’ Buffalo defense posted a credible 10 points against score; but, Sims’ Jets D was total crap, actually giving the Figs 3 points in what is fondly (or otherwise) referred to as a “Kitna.”

After a rare two game winning streak to start the season, the Stereco have increasingly stunk it up over the last three weeks, losing by 15, 28, and now 39 points. Now at 2-3 and 2 games out in the East, It’s time to cut the crap and get back on track, if Sims wants to avoid a third straight season out of the playoffs. The Figs, after starting out 0-2-1, have now won their last two, and trail the East leading C.W.O.T. by a game and a half.

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The Thomas Bock Boys are surely looking forward to playing back in Bockville, after a two week road trip resulted in two losses. The latest loss was a 35 – 18 double up by the Irwin Hellions. Hellions QB Donovan McNabb, in his first return to the field after three weeks, led a trio of Hellions with 16 points. Joining him in double digits were wide receiver Andre Johnson, with 11, and running back Ray Rice, with 10. Bock Boys quarterback Carson Palmer’s team high 7 says much about the final outcome of this game, although Palmer was matched by kicker David Akers, while running back Jamal Lewis added 6, and receiver Mario Manningham posted 5, before he was knocked out of the game by Chris’s opportunistic Eagles defense. The Eagles D, while giving up over 300 yards offense, seemed to spend most of the game in the Bock Boys’ backfield, recording 3 sacks, 3 pics, and a safety, good for 15 points against and 2 offensive points. Thomas’ Cowboys D managed 4 sacks, but came up with no turnovers, and only 8 takeaway points. In what some would consider the ultimate show of disrespect, the Hellions opted to play without a kicker, rather than using a transaction to find a replacement for Nate Kaeding, out on bye.

The winning Hellions have now gone 5 – 0 to start the season, while the Bock Boys fall to 2-3, and are now three games behind the Hellions in the West. Though it’s too early to count the Boys out, they’ve got a pretty big hill to climb if they’re to make up the 3 game deficit over the final 8 games of the season.

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The Abstract Machines went into Oiltown and got the pounding of the week, courtesy of the Wicked Oil Profiteer$. Fresh off a solid win over the Piana Raze in Week 4, the Oilmen wasted no time jumping on the Machines, who apparently spent too much time pondering the unusual two tight end offense employed by the Profiteer$. Although kicker Lawrence Tynes led the Profiteer attack, with 14 points, the double tight end set caught the Machines off guard, allowing QB Tony Romo to post 11 points, RB’s Rashard Mendenhall and Steve Slaton to score 8 and 5, and wideout Hines Ward to add 7. Mike F could only counter with a team-high 8 from running back Thomas Jones, 7 from receiver Dwayne Bowe, 6 from QB Brett Favre, and 6 from RB Tim Hightower. Defensively, the Oilmen totally dominated the Machines, with Paul’s Giants coming up huge, to the tune of 29 takeaway points, while Mike’s Titan’s D showed few signs of life in a lackluster, 5-against performance.

Having taken the measure of the Eastern division leading C.W.O.T. in week 4, the Machines could not keep the bus moving forward, and drop to 1-4 in the West. The Profiteer$ remain just one game off the lead in the same division, the game they lost to the undefeated Hellions in Week 3.

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Led by a trio of double-digit performances on offense, the Piana Raze took a 51 – 24 victory over the hapless Pimps in the league’s only interdivisional game in week 5. RB Michael Turner posted a game-high 14, with receiver Nate Burleson and quarterback Matt Schaub both scoring 11. Burleson and Turner each turned in season highs, which more than offset receiver Desean Jackson’s egg, and RB Maurice Jones-Drew’s 3. In a dual of the quarterbacks, the Pimps countered with a stellar 12 point game from QB Kurt Warner, but after RB Andre Peterson’s 9, there wasn’t much Pimps offense to speak of – four 2’s and a 0 (from WR Jericho Cotchery). Defense wasn’t a strong feature of this game, Piana’s Ravens taking only 5 from the Pimps, but adding a DTD to the offense. Russ’s Dolphins were even outplayed here, as the posted a paltry 2 takeway points.

The win for the Raze keep them sort of in the hunt in the West, at 2-3 still 3 games behind the division leading Hellions. Meanwhile, the Pimps, having taken four weeks to get their first win, were unable to build any momentum, and have now fallen to 1-4. Still with the Stereco and Brewmeisters also losing, they remain only ½ game out of 3rd place in the East. Could this be the year we fail to qualify a full six team playoff slate?

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