The final week of the 2008 regular season kicks off from the Vortex, where the 6-6 Jody's Colossal Waste of Time hosts the 7-5 Anderson Brewmeisters. These two clubs were the only playoff representatives from the Eastern Division last season, sneaking in on 7-6 records before eventually vying for the League Championship in Super Bowl XII. Anderson has already booked its return trip for the 2008 playoffs, but the struggling C.W.O.T. will need a Week 13 win or some help in order to join the Brew in the Big Dance.

Despite taking a beating at the hands of the wayward Piana Raze at Saint Arnold Stadium last week, the defending Super Bowl champion Brewmeisters can still clinch a desirable home field advantage for Wild Card Week with a win over the C.W.O.T.. And although they proved last year that they can go through a No. 1 seed to reach the Super Bowl, they would much rather move up to the No. 3 seed, guaranteeing they wouldn't see the Juggernaut Figs in a potential second round game. Plus, in case more incentive is needed, Anderson just likes beating down their arch-rival, as their 17-9 record against the C.W.O.T. attests to.

Jody shouldn't dwell on their shortcomings against the Brew. Of larger concern is that the C.W.O.T. can't seem to finish the regular season strong. In 2006, they lost two of the last three games; in 2007, they lost three of their last four (and yet still won the division somehow); an now, in '08, they come into Week 13 having lost three straight to slide towards the playoff precipice. They're coming off a heartbreaking home loss to the Figs which would have punched their playoff ticket last week. Now, they face a historically dominant foe while needing a win in the worst way. They may still make the playoffs with a fourth-straight loss, but the playoffs aren't the best place to right a sinking ship, so to speak.

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First meets fourth in the Eastern Division as the 11-1 Naughty Figs host the 4-8 Sims Stereco. No matter the outcome of this game, the Figs will be getting a well-earned week off before returning to this field in two weeks to host the Eastern Championship game. Just don't expect them to start their mini-vacation early. Despite having made the playoffs in just two of their nine seasons, the '08 Figs have a shot at accomplishing two things no other FLF team has ever done: win 12 regular season games and go 8-0 in divisional play. The Figgies survived a humongous C.W.O.T. rally last week to tie the '06 Brewmeisters with their eleventh win, and they would like nothing better than to break that tie with a victory over the trash-talking Stereco.

Besides wanting badly to ruin the Figs' record-breaking dreams, said Stereco also need a win to keep them from possibly returning the Draft Bowl for the second consecutive year. 2008 has been a train wreck for Sims, but one more win would put them one-half game and one seed position better than last year and seemingly on the road to contention in 2009. They crushed The Pimps last week behind their second-best effort of the season, and now Drew Brees and company hope to keep the Shock-and-Awe offensive assault going for one final week.

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The final interdivisional contest of the regular season pits the 6-6 Abstract Machines against the 3-9 Pimps. The Eastern Division has already sewn up the season series (leading 13-11) thanks in large part to feasting on the Machines, who are 0-4 in interdivisional play. But divisional pride is not on their minds; like Jody and Thomas, the Machines can wrap up a playoff berth with a Week 13 victory. Considering they dropped 5 straight earlier in the season, it would be quite the recovery should the AMs make it back to the playoffs. Amazingly, while just a win will get them in, a win and losses by both Thomas and Irwin would get them a bye and their first ever division title.

The Pimps haven't sniffed a division title for a while. Already destined to repeat as a contender in this year's Draft Bowl, The Pimps have now missed out on the playoffs in five of the past six seasons. But not all is lost. They've found strength and youth at QB (Kurt Warner and Matt Ryan), and energized the receiving corps by trading for Randy Moss. They just need to get Adrian Peterson a capable wingman so the ground game's no longer a one-person show. The other positive aspect of The Pimps' otherwise forgettable year is that they've finished stronger than they started (which is opposite of last year). The P's have won three of their last six games, and another win or two in '08 could be a springboard to building a contender in '09.

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The Western Division has suddenly become an open race this year, thanks to a couple of collapses down the stretch (thank you P.W.O.P. and Thomas). The 3-time Super Bowl Champion Irwin Hellions are finally back in the playoffs following a two year layoff, and, thanks to a three-game winning streak, they're also in position to win their record-setting sixth division title. All they have to do is get past the Piana Raze at En Fuego Field.

From the standings, that task seems easy enough. The Hellions are 7-5 while the Raze have struggled to a 3-9 mark, and Irwin certainly seems to have momentum. In reality, however, the Hellions posted the second-lowest raw score last week (which still happened to be good enough to get by Thomas) while Piana exploded for the league's best showing of the season, thrashing of the Brewmeisters 73-26. Make no mistake, the Raze could still end up going to the Draft Bowl regardless of this game's outcome, but they'd like nothing better than to keep their longtime rivals from claiming another division title (on their home field, nonetheless). For the Hellions, their place in the 2008 playoffs is secure. A win guarantees them a bye and the No. 2 seed, while a loss could cost them the division and even a home playoff game. Donovan McNabb can't afford another negative-point game. (UPDATE: message received! D. McNabb is a-okay!)

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The season's final Game of the Week comes to us from Oil Town, USA, where Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ and Thomas' Bock Boys are both looking to secure their playoff invitation. Nothing would be more welcome than a win for either club; Thomas has dropped two straight games coming into this one, while Pirk has managed to double by losing four straight. Each club seemed to have had the Western Division by the throat at separate points this season only to let it slip away. Now, with the Hellions only needing a win over Piana to claim the title, both the Boys and the Profiteer$ have to focus on simply getting a win to make the playoff field.

Thomas is coming off its second-worst showing of the season (a loss to Irwin), and its worst showing happened to be against these very Profiteer$ way back in Week 3. The defending Western Division champions haven't yet relinquished their title, but they'll need to find the offense that catapulted them to the top of the West a few short weeks ago. P.W.O.P. was the team that conceded the lead to Thomas in the first place. Pirk opened the season on a 5-1 tear, but has seemingly lost all direction as the club has spiraled downward, losing five of the past six. Their season now rides on a single game; win this one and they likely move on to Wild Card Week. Lose a fifth straight, and they stay home for the holidays.

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