The Naughty Figs clinched their first ever Eastern division title with a 37 – 25 road win over an increasingly inept Anderson Brewmeisters squad.  With quarterback Jay Cutler posting a game-high 17 and receiver Anquan Boldin adding 12, the Figs didn’t need much additional support to beat a Brewmeisters team that got only a single point from its trio of receivers.  The lone bright spot on the Brewskies’ scoreboard was a 14 point team leading performance from quarterback Peyton Manning.  No other Brewmeister scored more than six, posted by LaDanian Tomlinson in what has become his worst season as a pro.  The Brewmeisters did manage to win the defensive battle, with Arizona outscoring the Figs’ Steelers D, 9 – 5 in takeaway points.

All this is not meant to cast aspersions on a Naughty Figs team which has set a new franchise standard for regular season wins (9), and clinched its first divisional title with a full three games left.  Even without the backfield help of team leader Clinton Portis, out on his bye week, the Figs had no trouble handling the Brewskies for a second time this season. 

Now at a lofty 9-1 and on another winning streak (2), the Naughty Ones could conceivably be tied by either the Brewmeisters or C.W.O.T. – both of which are 6-4 after last weekend.  However, the Figs own the tiebreaker over both 2nd place clubs, and so have earned a spot in the Championship Week round of this year’s “second season,” as winners of the Eastern division.  Congratulations to Jay Cutler, Clinton Portis, the Steelers D, and Brandon on their best ever regular season and first division win.

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Two teams headed in opposite directions hooked up in Bockville, Sunday, with a fairly predictable result.  Although the Piana Raze tried to mount a 4th quarter comeback, they were ultimately done in – again – by points left on the bench at running back.  When the clock wound to zero, the Thomas Bock Boys had taken over sole possession of first place in the Western division with their fifth straight win, a 21 – 17 defensive battle over the Draft Bowl bound Raze.

Leading the charge for the Bock Boys was quarterback David Garrard, with a game-high 12 points.  He was supported by running back Jamal Lewis and kicker David Akers, who posted 7 each.  Opting for a single back offense, Thomas guessed wrong and left a 9-point Ricky Williams game on the bench; however, this paled in comparison to the 15 rushing points Brian wasted by starting Michael Turner (8) and Chris Johnson (1) over Matt Forte (10) and Maurice Jones-Drew (14), as the Raze were once again burned by bad luck in backfield selection.  Thomas, on the other hand, made an extremely fortuitous choice in picking up the Panthers defense as a Cowboys bye week replacement.  The Panthers recorded five sacks and three turnovers in a 21 points-against performance.  Thomas definitely needed those points, as the Raze’ Ravens posted 15 takeaway points and a safety.  Still, the game was not decided until the end, as the Raze’ Reggie Wayne and Ben Rothlisberger came on in the 4th quarter to attempt a comeback from a 13 point deficit.  Although Wayne’s game was on, with his 9 points second only to kicker Jason Elam’s team leading 10, Big Ben picked a bad time to lay an egg, which doomed the Raze to their fourth consecutive loss.

At 7-3, the Bock Boys now stand alone atop the Western Division, having made a full recovery from their 2-3 season start.  Meanwhile, the talented but coaching-challenged Piana Raze have now fallen to 2-8 in what has long since become a lost season.  Looking ahead to a possible #1 pick in next season’s draft, it’s probably a safe bet to suggest Brian won’t be taking a running back.

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In a game played without much defense, it was, ironically, defense which ultimately decided the outcome, as the Irwin Hellions took a 45 – 44 road victory over the slumping Wicked Oil Profiteer$.

The Hellions backfield led the charge, as quarterback Donovan McNabb posted a game-high 13, with running backs DeAngelo Williams and Kevin Smith adding 10 and 9.  The Oilmen countered with 12 from tight end Tony Gonzalez, 9 from kicker Mason Crosby, and 8 from quarterback Phil Rivers.  Hellions’ kicker Nate Kaeding chipped in 8, but Wicked receivers Marques Colston and Hines Ward added 7 and 6 for the Profiteer$.  When Chris’ Eagles D posted just 5 takeaway points, the Oilmen were left needing just a single point from their own Saints D for a win.  Paul could only watch with increasing disgust, however, as the Saints – playing their worst defensive game of the year – gave away the only point needed for a Hellions win (while the Wicked Seahawks D, benched for their totally unpredictable play over the last several weeks, posted 9 points against).

The winning Hellions evened their record at 5-5, retained 3rd place in the Western division, and maintained their single game lead over the Abstract Machines for the six seed in the playoffs.  The P.W.O.P., losers for the third time in the past four games, are now at 6-4.  This drops them into second place in the West for the first time since the second week of the season.

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In a season long since gone awry, the Sims Stereco can at least enjoy their Week 10 victory over the Abstract Machines, a 46 – 20 beatdown in which the #2’s finally put it all together.

One of several teams opting for the the single running back set, the Stereco were led with 10’s from running back Brandon Jacobs and tight end Kellen Winslow, and 9 from  quarterback Drew Brees.  All Stereco offensive players got in on the scoring, with everyone but kicker Rob Bironas (2) posting at least 5.  The Machines countered with a game leading 16 points from running back Thomas Jones, but then the production dropped off, with kicker Jeff Reed hitting for 8 points, receiver Josh Morgan scoring 6, and quarterback Chad Pennington adding only 5.  However, it was on the defensive side of the ball that Sims superiority was most pronounced, as his Jets D scored a whopping 23 takeaway points and a DTD, against Mike F’s Giants D’s 6-against.  Add it all up, and you have a total of 75 points for the Stereco, giving them high point honors for the week.

Winners of two of their last three games, the Stereco have improved to 3-7, and have staved off playoff elimination for at least a week.  The A.M.’s, dropping to 4-6 and alone in fourth place in the West, still have an outside shot at the post season, but will have to go 2-1 to qualify.

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In the weekend’s second matchup of Eastern division teams, the lowly Pimps rose up to smite Jody’s Colossal Waste of Time, 59 – 37.  Although edged out by the Stereco for the weekend’s high point honors, the Pimps did produce the league’s most potent offense in playing the role of spoiler.  Quarterback Kurt Warner had a game-high 16, RB Adrian Peterson followed with 15, and receiver Eddie Royal completed a rare triple double with 11.  All Pimps players produced, with receiver Randy Moss’ 3 being the worst of the lot.  Jody also got quality production from all but quarterback Aaron Rodgers (3); but, other than kicker John Carney’s team leading 12 points, no other Time Waster hit double digits. 

Defense was another matter, not so much “won” by Russ’s Dolphins D (with 7 points against) as lost by Jody’s Bears (with 5 against).  Pimps fans, though, are not likely to argue that point.  Right now, a win’s a win, and the Feathered Ones have gone .500 over the past four weekends.

Beating the C.W.O.T. unfortunately was not enough to move the Pimps, with their now 2-8 record, out of the Eastern division cellar.  It did, however, snuff out any remaining chance the Time Wasters had left of overtaking this year’s Cinderella story, aka the Naughty Figs, for the division championship.  Jody’s C.W.O.T. is now 6-4, 3 games and the tiebreaker behind, and can now play only for postseason seeding.

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