With an opportunity to move into a tie for first in the Eastern Division, and Anderson Brewmeisters came out flatter than stale Pilsner Sunday, and took a 31 – 14  beating, courtesy of the C.W.O.T.  Led by the Mighty Tennessee Titans defense, which recorded 7 sacks in a 25-against score, the C.W.O.T. roared out to a huge lead, which the Brewmeisters were not able to overcome.  On offense, the victors were led by running back Earnest Graham (where does he get all these guys?!!), with 10 points, and QB Carson Palmer, with 9.  The C.W.O.T. didn’t get significant contributions from its remaining five starters, but with the Brewmeisters sinking to their lowest output of the season, the Jodys didn’t need many points.  The Brewmeisters were led by RB Brian Westbrook’s 11 points, and got 7 each from LaDanian Tomlinson and Peyton Manning, but three receivers combined for 3 points, and the San Iego Efense (no “D” in San Diego this week) scored another 3, but managed zero takeaway points in arguably its most embarrassing performance of the season, as it let Minnesota’s Adrian Peterson rush for an NFL record 296 yards and three scores.  So the C.W.O.T. move to 6-3, and maintain their 1-1/2 game lead over the Pimps in the East, and now 2 games over the momentum-less Brewmeisters, who can’t seem to get anything going, and are now back under .500, at 4-5.

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Led by the resurgent Drew Brees and a healthy Joe Addai, the Sims Stereco looked to be on the way to putting together consecutive wins for the first time this season; that is, until the Naughty Figs flushed them in the fourth quarter of a comeback, 53 – 31 win.  With Brees passing for 16 points, Addai rushing for 11, and newly added replacement kicker Rob Bironas chipping in another 10, it looked like good news for Sims.  However, in what was to become the common thread of the weekend, the Stereco’s Jaguars defense largely disappeared, and actually gave the Figs 3 points (although they offset that by scoring a touchdown).  Still, Sims headed into the Monday night contest up by 10.  But Brandon’s Steelers D rose to the prime-time occasion, playing its best game of the season, and posting 32 takeaway points, to blow past the Stereco.  The Figs were not without offensive stars, as running backs Marshawn Lynch (14) and Clinton Portis (13) combined for 27, and were complimented by quarterback Matt Hasselbeck’s 9, in an effort that resulted in the league’s high score for the weekend (props to the Figs!).  Interestingly enough, the score could have been a lot worse, as Figs receiver Patrick Crayton was shut out, while reserve receiver Lee Evans’ 11 points were wasted on the bench.  The win keeps the Figs in the hunt for a playoff berth, at 4-5, although they made up no ground on the division-leading C.W.O.T.  Sims latest loss leaves the team at 2-6-1, and needing to win out to become playoff eligible.

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In the second of three games that came down the wire, the Pimps withstood a fourth quarter comeback attempt by the Abstract Machines, and squeaked out a one point win.  Going into the Monday night game with a twelve point lead but no remaining players the Pimps could only hold their collective breaths as the Steelers pounded the Ravens.  Steelers and Machines kicker Jeff Reed kicked in 8 points, but running back Willie Parker could only manage 3, as the Pimps ultimately came away with a win by the slimmest of margins.  The victors were led by rookie running back Adrian Peterson (MIN), who rushed for an NFL record 296 yards and scored three times in a 23 point performance, and got another 11 from quarterback John Kitna.  Russ was forced to bring in the Washington Redskins defense to sub for the Bears, who were on bye, and got a 9-against performance, which was good enough to prevent a loss.  The Machines would not have been in the game at all, had it not been for the gutsy decision by Mike to start his Detroit Lions D in place of the Ravens.  The Ravens were the league’s best last season, but have spent most of this season in the middle of the pack, so Mike picked this game to go with the more favorable matchup of Lions-Broncos.  The defensive strategy paid off in a stellar 22-against, 6 points scored performance by the Lions, which would have been enough with Tom Brady’s 11 and receiver Bobby Engram’s 10 to have produced a win in most any game.  But the two other A.M. receivers were shut out, and when Willie Parker matched his worst performance of the season, the defensive heroics were for naught, as the Machines suffered their fourth loss, and now find themselves tied with the Piana Raze for second place in the Western Division, at 5-4 and a whopping three games behind the powerful Thomas Bock Boys.  In winning, the Pimps move to 4-4-1, and remain 1-1/2 games behind the C.W.O.T. in the Weak Sister (Eastern) division.

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In the final game decided on Monday night, and the fourth in which lack of defense played a major role, the Piana Raze held on for a 45-42 win over the visiting Wicked Oil Profiteer$.  Led by receiver Terrell Owens’ 12 points and running back Larry Johnson’s 11, the Raze played decent, if uninspired, football, as only kicker Adam Vinatieri (7) of the remaining 4 individual starters managed more than four points.  Brians Colts D managed to take away 10 from the P.W.O.P., but Pirk’s Seahawks D couldn’t keep pace, as they managed only a 2 total (3 points scored, -1 takeaway).  P.W.O.P. was led by QB Tony Romo’s 13 points, with RB Reggie Bush also in double figures with 12, and receivers Marquez Colston and Tony Gonzalez each adding 8.  But on Monday night, down by four, Pirk could only watch and fume as Pittsburgh’s Ben Rothlesberger seemingly threw touchdowns to everyone on the team but P.W.O.P.’s Hines Ward.  Santonio Holmes found the endzone twice, as did Nate Washington, and tight end Heath Miller got in once.  Meanwhile, Ward was held to four catches for 28 yards and one point.  End result, another P.W.O.P. loss and another fortunate victory for the Raze, who now move into a tie with the Abstract Machines for (a distant) second place in the Western division.  P.W.O.P. goes to 3-6, and remain tied for last in the West with the Irwin Hellions.

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Like a giant keg of Shiner rolling downhill, the Thomas Bock Boys rolled into the HellHole and crushed the Irwin Hellions, 65 – 7 Sunday.  Looking more unstoppable every week, the Boys got double-digit scoring from three players, as Jamal Lewis (17) found the endzone four times (He certainly should have had no trouble finding it, since the longest run of the four scoring plays was only 2 yards!).  Receivers Randy Moss and Greg Jennings put in a dime each, and QB Jerry Garcia and RB Marion “the Barbarian” Barber added 8 and 9, respectively.  The scoring was rounded out with a 12-against from the Boys’ Patriots D.  Meanwhile, the Hellions were looking like the Little Sisters of the Poor, with kicker Nate Kaeding’s 5 points “leading” the scoring for the home team.  The Eagles Efense (no “D” in Phila-elphia, either), being from the city of brotherly love, gave the visitors a point, perhaps looking for a case of Shiner in return.  Joke’s on the Hellions, though, as the only “shiner” they got from Thomas was another black eye to go with the 36-27 pasting they got from the Bock Boys in week 4.  This latest win puts the Bock Boys at 8-1, and solidly in the driver’s seat in the Western Division.  Irwin’s latest loss sends the Hellions to 3-6, and uncharacteristically mired in the cellar in the West.

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