The Abstract Machines traveled to the Hellhole Sunday, and laid a whipping of major proportions on the Irwin Hellions, 43-11.  In what has become the standard formula for the visitors, the Machines relied on the arm of QB Tom Brady and stout defense from the Baltimore Ravens.  Late in the game, the only remaining contest was to see if Brady – the one in the blue suit with the cape and the big red “S” – might match the Ravens 28 point score.  He didn’t; but, he did post a career best game, with 388 yards passing and 6 TD tosses for a 21.  It was only unfortunate that few spectators witnessed all of Brady’s fireworks, because the score had gotten so out of hand so early that the Hellion faithful were starting to head for the parking lots midway through the third quarter.  On offense for the Machines, Brady was joined in double digits by replacement kicker Phil Dawson, who posted an 11.  RB Thomas Jones (8), and receiver Bernard Berrian (7) rounded out the significant offensive contributions for the victors.  The Hellions were led by receiver Braylon Edwards’ 12, with QB Donovan McNabb and RB Edgerrin James posting 7 each; however, Irwin had little else to be happy about, as his Philadelphia D managed only 11 points against.

With the win, their third in the last four weeks, the Machines even up their record to 3-3, while the Hellions’ loss drops them to 3-3.  Both teams are joined by the Piana Raze in a three-way tie for second place in the West, two games behind the division leading Thomas Bock Boys.

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Banged up and victimized by the dreaded bye week, the Naughty Figs were only able to suit up 6 able bodies Sunday.  Realistically, they could have played 10 and it wouldn’t have made a difference, as the visiting Anderson Brewmeisters unleashed a monster of historic proportions.  Never before in the history of the FFL had a team put up a triple-digit raw score; but, in a “contest” in which, for reasons that are hard to fathom, the Brewmeisters jumped on the under-manned and out-gunned Figs and didn’t let up until the last seconds of the fourth quarter ticked away.  The final score was Brewmeisters - 78, Figs - 11, a drubbing that generated a buzz around the league, and surely a throbbing in the head of Figs owner Brandon Michelac.

Surprisingly, the Figs jumped out to an early lead, but once the Brewmeisters got untracked, the game quickly got out of hand.  The Figs had trouble scoring against the resurgent Brewmeisters’ Chargers defense, which recorded six sacks and three turnovers in a 24-against stone-walling.  Unable to get untracked, the Figs had to settle for points from kicker David Akers (8).  QB Matt Hasselbeck’s team leading 13 all came after the game had already become a blowout.  The Figs ills continued on defense, where the potent Pittsburgh D was lost to the bye week.  Instead, the Naughties were forced to put the second string Texans D into the trenches, and the Brewmeisters had a field day.  Backup signal caller Derek Anderson more than stepped in as a bye week replacement for Peyton Manning, setting the table with three passing TD’s and 18 points.  Steve Smith (11) caught one of those touchdown passes, and Kevin Curtis (9) caught another.  Brian Westbrook (8) looked good after his two weeks off, with 120 rushing yards.  But it was league MVP LaDanian Tomlinson, finally going off on his first bona fide tear of the season, that turned a rout into – well, something else.  Tomlinson scored four touchdowns on 198 yards rushing, for a 23 point performance.

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The Thomas Bock Boys made it a two game lead over the rest of the field in the Western division with a perfunctory 26-12 win over the Piana Raze at Bockyard Stadium. Looking rather like the proverbial one-legged man in an butt-kicking contest, the Raze took the field without a kicker, and ended up getting kicked. They actually made a good game of it for awhile, as running back Larry Johnson rediscovered his groove, putting up 8 points on 143 total yards and a touchdown. But then the game seemed to turn on a couple of bizarre plays. First, receiver James Jones had a touchdown reception negated on a penalty. Then, on the Raze's next possession, quarterback Matt Schaub threw for an apparent touchdown, but replays showed the receiver to have fumbled the ball over the goal line and out of the endzone. Those two lost scores seemed to douse the Raze's fire, as Jones would not record a single catch, and Schaub would remain stuck on 1 point. About that time, the Bock Boys, who had been relying on QB Jeff Garcia (8) for points, trotted out their big guns. Kicker Nick Folk put up 9 points, receiver Randy Moss scored 6, and the Boys' Patriots D scored an 8-against. In the fourth quarter, the Raze tried to mount a comeback with their Giants defense and #2 running back Sammy Morris; but Morris took his cue from Schaub, posting a 1, as Bock Boys receiver Plax Burress was ringing up an 8. Brian's Giants defense, brought in to sub for the Colts (out on bye), tried to make a game of it, but their 12 points-against was not enough to overcome so many 1's and 0's.

Now at 5-1, the winning Bock Boys have cruised out to a two game lead over the Raze, the Hellions, and the Abstract Machines in the West, and will try to make it 6-1 this week when they host the Eastern division Naughty Figs. At 3-3, the Raze are left searching for the right combination to get them past the Pimps at home this week, in advance of what could be a pivotal week 8 game with the surging Abstract Machines.

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The Pimps rookie RB sensation Adrian Peterson saw his statement 3 touchdown, 20 point game go for naught, as the home boys lost to the visiting C.W.O.T., 47-40.  You figure you’ve got a chance when your #2 RB goes off for 20 and Donte Stallworth posts a dime, but apparently the Pimps concentrated too much on their offense and not enough on defense.  Da Bears were horrible Sunday, getting shoved all over the field to the tune of 444 yards, while recording only 1 sack.  They did manage to score a touchdown, but that did little to offset the –2 points “against” they put up.  The Jodys had no supermen this week; rather, they won the game with a team effort of solid contributions, including TJ Horsensaddle’s 13, and 26 from the backfield of Carson Palmer (6), DeAngelo Williams (9), and Ronnie Brown (8).  On defense, his Vikings managed to avoid losing the game, by posting a 9-against score.  The Pimps remain in first in the Eastern division, at 3-2-1, but now have three teams sitting only ½ game back, including the C.W.O.T., which evened its record at 3-3.

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It took six weeks, but the Sims Stereco finally won its first game of the season Sunday night, holding off a late push by Pirkle’s Wicked Oil Profiteer$ to win 29 – 27.  In a contest of division cellar dwellers, the Stereco led most of the way, thanks largely to the defensive play of the Green Bay Packers.  The Pack stripped 15 points away from the Profiteer$ and added a defensive touchdown.  The Stereco needed every bit of that Packers defense, as only three starters had decent games – tight end Chris Cooley, who led the team with 8, kicker Robbie Gould, with 7, and tight end Kellen Winslow, with 5.  Pirk’s Profiteer$ benefited from solid contributions from a number of players, including QB Tony Romo (8), kicker Shayne Graham (8), and tight end Tony Gonzalez, whose 11 points included two touchdown catches that put him at 63 for his career – first among all NFL tight ends.  Gonzalez celebration was ultimately spoiled, though, as the oilmen brought no defense to the game.  The Seattle Seahawks could only nick the Stereco for 2 points against, which doomed the Profiteer$ to their fourth defeat.  At 2-4, the P.W.O.P. now take sole possession of last place in the Western division.  The Stereco are on a mini “warm” streak, having gone 1-0-1 over the last two weeks.  It’s still going to be a tough row to hoe to make the playoffs, but at least for a week, the Stereco have something to smile about.

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