Jody’s Colossal Waste of Time didn’t seem to have much of a chance against the Anderson Brewmeisters.  The Brewmeisters have been the league’s total point leaders since early in the season, while the C.W.O.T. have ranked in the bottom third.  The Brewmeister’s LaDainian Tomlinson has been absolutely on fire for the past six games, averaging 18 points in each of those contests, while Jody has struggled to find the right chemistry in his backfield.  Add to that the game was being played at St. Arnold Stadium, and the Brewmeisters had not lost a home game all season.  So what happened?  The C.W.O.T. played their best game of the season, exceeded their season average by 27 points, and came away with a hard-fought, 4 point victory. 

The C.W.O.T. got off to a huge early lead, thanks to double-digit performances by Carson Palmer (13), Stephen Jackson (13) and Frank Gore (12).  The Brewmeisters then mounted a furious rally behind the weekly heroics of LaDainian Tomlinson (three touchdowns, 14 pts.), an 11 point effort from Brian Westbrook, and the resurgence of the Chargers defense (19 points against) after two sub-par games.  In fact, the Brewskies actually led by four points late in the game; however, they were ultimately undone by the ineptitude of the Philadelphia defense, which chose to play pass defense on Peyton Manning by allowing Indianapolis to run for 237 yards and four touchdowns.  Manning posted a mere 5 points – less than half his season average.  When Jody’s kicker, Josh Brown, kicked four field goals and outscored Anderson’s Donald Driver 15-7 on Monday night, the C.W.O.T. had handed the Brewskies only their second loss of the season. 

Jody’s win moves his team’s record to 7-5, third best in the Eastern Division.  In losing, the Brewmeisters failed to clinch the Eastern Division crown, as they fall to only 1 game ahead of the Stereco, who they meet in the regular season finale next weekend.

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The Piana Raze claimed the Western Division crown and post-season #2 seeding with a 40-26 road win over the Thomas Bock Boys.  The game was a surprisingly hard-fought contest, given the Bock Boys record and ranking of lowest scoring team in the league.  The Raze played a solid all-around game, with running back Larry Johnson again leading with 11 points, but being well supported by the rest of the team, as every position player scored at least 5 points.  Wide receiver was once again a major strength, as Terrell Owens (8), Reggie Wayne (7), and Roy Owens (6) combined for 21 points.  The Bock Boys actually won the Defense/Special Teams portion of the game, 21-19, and unusually good contributions from running back Marion Barber (10) and receiver Laveranues Coles (9) had the Boys keeping the heat on the Raze.  But Thomas just didn’t have enough horses at receiver to counteract Brian’s three, and then the Boys fell apart – again – at quarterback. In what is threatening to be renamed “a Grossman,” Bock Boys quarterback Rex Grossman gave points away for the third time this season, posting a -4, and the Raze went home with a 14 point win. 

The latest win – fourth in their last five games – puts the Raze at a solid 7-4-1, third best in the league.  Having now secured the Western Division championship, Brian will use the final regular season game as a tune-up for the playoffs.  Meanwhile, the Bock Boys’ season grinds ever closer to a finish in the Draft Bowl.  Their playoff hopes long since dashed, all the Boys have left is the spoiler’s role, as they try to keep the Abstract Machines out of the post-season picture this weekend. 

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In a game neither team seemed to want, the Irwin Hellions outlasted the Pimps 14-13 at Purgatory Field.  Billed as the Game of the Week, this contest was anything but, as the combined score of both teams would not have been enough to win any of the league’s other four games.  There were enough eggs laid to have made a large omelet – Corey Dillon, Donte’ Stallworth, and kicker Jeff Reed for the Pimps, and Irwin’s Edgerrin James and Eagles Defense all posted zeroes.  Andre Johnson led the Hellions with 8 points, and was followed by Curtis Johnson with 6, and Wali Lundy with 5.  The Pimps were once again led by their Bears D, which posted a 14 points-against; but the offense was DOA, with Fred Taylor’s 5 the best any of their position players could muster.  (In an interesting twist, Shaun Alexander posted a 10 for the week, and might have saved the Pimps’ season after all – but his points were left on the bench.)  Amazingly enough, though, the Pimps actually led by a point going into the Monday night game; however, Irwin’s Deion Branch posted just enough to turn the tables, as the Hellions came away with a one-point victory. 

With the win, the Hellions playoff hopes remain alive, as they move to 5-6-1, and could reach playoff eligibility with a win over the Piana Raze in the final regular season game next week.  The Pimps go to 4-8, and are eliminated from the playoffs.   

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The Stereco’s Cinderella season continued Sunday, as they eliminated the Naughty Figs from playoff consideration with a 69-34 road victory.  Normally one of the weakest scoring teams in the league, relying on fate and the scheduler for help, there was no stink on this victory, as the Stereco tied for the week’s high point honors in a 35 point blowout.   

The fun for the Stereco started early, as the New Orleans duo of Drew Brees and Deuce McAllister combined for 23 points.  After a shaky start to the season, Brees has developed into one of the best quarterbacks in the league, posting double-digit scores in seven of his last eight games.  The Figs kept things close early, in part because receiver Devery Henderson caught one of Brees’ passes for a 76 yard touchdown on the way to an 11 point game.  This made Henderson high point man for the Figs, but he was joined in double-digits by Anquan Boldin, who posted 10.  The Figs’ Steelers D was no help with its 1 points-against; but, the Stereco’s Jaguars D didn’t bring it’s a game, either, and only scored a 6.  Things didn’t really get out of hand until well into the game, when Stereco running back Joseph Addai took the field.  Rushing for 174 yards and four touchdowns, and posting a 23, Addai made a major case for rookie-of-the-year, as the Stereco literally ran away from the Figs. 

The loss moves the Figs to 4-8, with no chance of making the playoffs.  Meanwhile, Sims sets another team high for season wins, and moves to only one game behind the division and league-leading Anderson Brewmeisters, at 9-3.  And in a scheduling gem, they will play those Brewmeisters next weekend for the regular season league championship and #1 playoff seeding. 

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(editor's note: the raw score is actually Machines over P.W.O.P., 11 to (minus)-7, but league policy is to round negative scores to zero. - bp)  In a rare convergence of offensive ineptitude and defensive brilliance, last season’s champion Abstract Machines kept their post-season hopes alive with an 18 point pounding of the rapidly fading Profiteer$.  Offensively, stars were few for either team, with Pirk’s running back duo of Warrick Dunn and Rudi Johnson setting the standard for the game with 6 each.  The Machine’s Tom Brady and Thomas Jones put up 5 apiece to lead the victors, but this game was all about defense.  You’d normally be pretty happy to get 16 out of your defense, and that’s exactly what The Profiteer$’ Seahawks unit posted; however, they were no match in this game for the A.M.’s Ravens D, which was anything but abstracted on Sunday.  Racking up 9 sacks and 3 turnovers, while allowing only 172 total yards and scoring a touchdown, the Ravens finished with 33 takeaway and 3 offensive points.  Their 36 total fell only 2 shy of the season record for single-game defense, scored by these same Ravens in week 2, and vaulted this unit ahead of the Bears D to #1 in the season standings. 

The win for the Machines leaves both teams with identical records, at 5-7, and needing a win in the regular season finale to qualify for the playoffs.  A near lock for the post-season last month at 4-3, P.W.O.P. have since lost 4 of 5, while the modestly resurgent Machines have gone 3-2 since their four-game losing streak.  Having beaten the P.W.O.P. in both games this season, a home win against the hapless Bock Boys in the regular season finale guarantees the Machines a spot in the playoffs.

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