Jody's Colossal Waste of Time visits the Naughty Figs to kick off the season's second week. Jody went an astounding 7-1 within the division last year, yet they suffered a season-opening loss at home to the Brewmseisters. The Figs, meanwhile, lost a close one while visiting the Stereco last week and are hoping for a better outcome in their 2006 home opener.

Statistically, Jody had the third-worst overall team performance last week, due in part by Carson Palmer and Eddie Kennison scoring a single point apiece. Yet those efforts were still one point better than their Panther "D", who will need to do better than 0 if the defending division champs are to rebound. The Figs have a pretty solid defense and special teams, but they could use a few big plays from the offense. Against Sims, only Matt Hasselbeck and Anquan Boldin managed to score more than 2 points, leaving the Figgies on the wrong end of a close game.

victims of the bye week: none

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The Sims Stereco visit the Piana Raze in an interdivisional showdown that has been unofficially dubbed the T.O. Bowl. The Stereco shipped troublesome wide receiver Terrell Owens to Piana in the offseason, receiving Julius Jones and Terry Glenn in return. Owens contributed 7 points in the Raze's Week 1 tie with Irwin, while Jones and Glenn combined for 13 in Sims' victory over the Figs.

The Stereco are practically giddy about starting the season 1-0, but they'll need a bigger offensive effort to keep up the Raze this week; four of their starters posted 4 points or less last week. Piana had a much more explosive offensive showing, but their drafted Vikings defense let them down, scoring a mere 2 points in their Raze debut.

victims of the bye week: none

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Thomas' Bock Boys return to the site of last year's season-closing 48-0 massacre in Oil Town for a bout with Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$. The two Pirkle-owned clubs had a rough go in Week 1, combining for two losses and only 14 points, which was still four less than the third-lowest score of the week (the Figs' 18).

Not much went right for the Bock Boys last week against The Pimps. Two receivers combined for 15 points, but the other six positions managed only 16 more. The Boys will need much stronger – and less implosive – performances from their QB and RB positions if they're to finally snap their losing streak. Pirk also needs some stronger play from at least the QB; (minus)5 points wasn't the production they had in mind when dealing for Jake Plummer.

victims of the bye week: none

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The Abstract Machines host a division rival for the second consecutive week as they meet up with the Irwin Hellions in a rematch of last year's Western Championship Game. The Hellions are probably welcoming some time away from Purgatory Field, where they've gone 0-1-2 in their last three games, with the loss being a 53-15 hammering at the hands of the mighty Machines. Of course, the bad news is that they're also 0-4 over their past four visits to the Mechanical Ones.

Undeterred by recent history, the defending division champs got a nice offensive boost last week with the return of Donovan McNabb (13 points vs. Piana). The rest of the offense was solid but not spectacular, but it's the defense that will really need to step it up this week; 4 points probably won't go far in matching up with the Machines' rabid Raven squad. The Abstracts posted the league's best overall performance in Week 1, and another big game here could put them a game and a half up on the Hellions after only two weeks.

victims of the bye week: none

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The only Week 2 matchup featuring two 1-0 teams comes to us from Saint Arnold Stadium, where the Anderson Brewmeisters are making their 2006 home debut against the division rival Pimps. Anderson beat up on Jody last week while The Pimps roughed up the hapless Bock Boys, setting up this battle of unbeatens. Last year, these two clubs played a pair of memorable games with Anderson ultimately winning them both, 53-51 and 45-42.

The Pimps needed some great offensive performances from some recent draftees last week after veterans Jake Delhomme and Shaun Alexander combined for only 1 point. Thankfully for The Pimps, their Bears defense flexed their collective muscle to hang a 20-spot on Thomas, but the Feathered Ones simply can't rely on that scoring equation every week. Anderson played a better game against Jody, hammering the C.W.O.T. with a solid ground game and a free-throwing QB. The heroics of Kurt Warner, however, will step aside this week so that Peyton Manning can make his 2006 debut.

victims of the bye week: none

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