The defending champion Abstract Machines mauled Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ 31-5 in a battle of '05 Bowl winners. The Machines kept it extremely balanced on offense, with six of seven starters scoring between 5 and 7 points. Yet it was the defense that ultimately did in Pirk, as the Abstract's Ravens squad hammered the Boys from Oil Town for 25 points.

P.W.O.P. stayed in the game early on with 11 points from kicker Shayne Graham and 11 more from their Seahawks "D", but their offense failed to get much going. Rudi Johnson did his part, leading the offense with 8 points, but new quarterback Jake Plummer had a horrific Profiteer debut, actually stripping 5 points away from his own team following four turnovers. The Machine victory is their first on Kickoff Weekend since 2000 and their first over P.W.O.P. since Week 4, 2004.

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The visiting Anderson Brewmeisters blew past Jody's Colossal Waste of Time at The Vortex, 49-30, for their first Kickoff Weekend victory since 2003. Kurt Warner got the surprise start in front of Peyton Manning, and then proved his coaches right with a team-high 13-point effort. Halfbacks LaDainian Tomlinson (11 points) and Brian Westbrook (10) also hit double-digits in the win.

The C.W.O.T. had only one player above 8 points with sophomore Frank Gore posting an impressive 12. Carson Palmer, making an expedited comeback from a serious knee injury, was held to a single point however, and Jody's Panther defense posted a league-worst zero points. The Brewmeister win gives them an early lead in what is expected to be a heavily contested race with the C.W.O.T. in the Eastern Division.

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The Piana Raze and Irwin Hellions executed a league first in their opening game of the season, drawing at 47-47 and posting a second consecutive tie in their storied series. It was practically deja vu, with Piana building a 10-point lead at the Hellhole (just as in Week 13 of last year) before Hellion kicker Nate Kaeding did just enough to avoid the loss (just as in Week 13 of last year).

The Raze were led by Adam Vinatieri with 15 points, followed by Tiki Barber with 9 and Terrell Owens and Larry Johnson with 7 apiece. With an 8-point lead heading into Monday Night, their drafted Vikings defense failed to record a single sack or turnover, opening the door for Kaeding's heroics. The Hellions were kept in the game thanks to earlier big performances from a healthy-at-last Donovan McNabb (13 points) and Edgerrin James (8).

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The first interdivisional matchup of the weekend goes to The Pimps, who bested the visiting Bock Boys 30-9 behind a huge 20-point effort from their Bears defense. Draftees Donte' Stallworth, Mike Bell, and Josh Brown led the Pimps offense with 10, 8, and 8 points, respectively, but three other veteran starters – Jake Delhomme, Shaun Alexander, and Joey Galloway – combined for a single point.

Thomas also had its struggles on offense, with four starters scoring 2 points or less. Plaxico Burress (7 points) and Laveranus Coles (8) help keep the Boys from being shutout, but even they couldn't prevent a seventh consecutive loss (dating back to last season). The win for The Pimps, meanwhile, is their fourth straight on Kickoff Weekend.

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The Sims Stereco held off the Naughty Figs in a battle of recent Eastern Division also-rans. Both teams took their shots on defense, with the Figs' Steelers squad and the Stereco's Jaguars unit stripping 13 points apiece from the other side. Neil Rackers (sporting a Super Bowl ring from a year ago) led the Figs' attack with 10 points, but only two other starters scored above 2 points.

The Stereco had a just a bit more offensive power, led by Julius Jones (9 points) and Larry Fitzgerald (7). Sims built up a five-point lead going into Monday Night, but the Figs' LaMont Jordan was held to single point, preserving the win for the hosting Stereco, their first season-opening victory since 1999.

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