The first action of Kickoff Weekend 2006 comes from The Vortex, where the defending Eastern Division Champion Jody's Colossal Waste of Time host the rival Anderson Brewmeisters. These two finished last season with identical 8-5 records, but the C.W.O.T. won the East with an impressive 7-1 record within the division. They both made the playoffs, however, and were both knocked out by the Abstract Machines (Anderson in Wild Card Week, Jody in Super Bowl IX).

The Brewmeisters look to regroup after seeing their 2005 season undone by the Machines (who beat them in successive weeks to end their season). With the likes of Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson, Steve Smith, and Torry Holt already on board, the Brewmeisters used the draft to bolster their defense (signing Miami) and adding depth in the backfield with Chester Taylor and rookie Wali Lundy. Anderson has stumbled out of the gates the last two seasons, starting 0-2 in each before recovering for a playoff run. Their last Week 1 victory, coincidentally, came in 2003 right here at The Vortex.

The Colossal Waste of Time now have four Division titles on their mantle, but they also have a record four Super Bowl losses hanging over them. So what's a Super Bowl runner-up to do in the offseason? Stock up on draft picks (seven) and select young promising talent, of course. Amazingly, all seven players selected by Jody in last month's draft are on the Kickoff Weekend roster. The existing nucleus is already young and strong; Carson Palmer, Steven Jackson, Ronnie Brown, and Antonio Gates could likely keep the C.W.O.T. in contention for years to come.

Jody has been historically strong in the opening week of the season, going 7-2. Will they be able to get the early jump on Anderson in the standings, or will the Brewskies make a statement by taking down the division champs on their home turf? Should be a fun one to watch.

victims of the bye week: none

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The Naughty Figs visit the Sims Stereco in Kickoff Weekend's other Eastern Division matchup. Both teams failed to make the 2005 playoffs, finishing fourth and fifth in the Eastern Division.

The Figs entered the league in 2000 and didn't get a playoff invitation until four seasons later, in 2004. That run ended in Championship Week, and just when you thought the Figs might be here to stay, they took a big step back in '05. Hoping to bounce right back in 2006, the Figs acquired former Machines Anquan Boldin (via trade) and Neil Rackers (via draft) in the offseason, perhaps hoping for a bit of that Super Bowl karma. The real Litmus Test could be in the backfield, which under performed last season and has already seen Clinton Portis injured in the preseason.

The Stereco's season last year ended with a 38-12 home loss to P.W.O.P. in the Draft Bowl. My, 2002 seems like decades ago. Following their seemingly more-and-more improbable Super Bowl run of that year, the Stereco have a combined record of 14-25-1 in the three season since, finishing no better than 8th in the overall League standings. They too made some proactive moves in the offseason, dealing away Terrell Owens for Julius Jones and Terry Glenn, acquiring the Jacksonville defense from the Pimps, and drafting promising young talent in Joseph Addai, Todd Heap, and Vernon Davis. But will it be enough to get them out of the league's basement and back into the playoffs?

victims of the bye week: none

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The lone interdivisional matchup of Kickoff Weekend has Thomas' Bock Boys visiting The Pimps, two teams that have settled comfortably in the middle of the pack over the past two seasons. In 2004, both clubs made the playoff cut as the final two seeds but were promptly sent home. A year later, Thomas repeated their performance as the No. 6 seed, but The Pimps slipped just enough to miss the cut as the No. 7 seed.

Make no mistake, the Bock Boys are reeling. They've made the playoffs in each of their six seasons, but last season's mark of 6-7 was their worst ever. Adding in the wild card loss to Piana, the Boys enter 2006 having lost six straight games. Indeed, these aren't your father's Bock Boys; Priest Holmes – the face of the franchise during their Super Bowl run of 2003 – was let go this week, leaving a backfield occupied by unproven (but healthy) veterans such as Reuben Droughns, Kevan Barlow, and Marion Barber. The biggest question out of Bockville is can the playoff streak continue?

The Pimps feel the Bock Boys pain. After winning three division titles in four years between 1999 and 2002, The Feathered Ones have slowly slid from the Eastern Division radar with records of 6-7, 7-6, and 5-8 in the three seasons since. Last year's five wins were the fewest achieved since 1998. Hoping to boost the offense, The Pimps traded for Ashlie Lelie and Fred Taylor and then drafted Donte' Stallworth and rookie Mike Bell. This is obviously Shaun Alexander's team, but he'll need a stronger supporting cast if The Pimps are to jump back into the playoff mix.

victims of the bye week: none

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For the first time, the Piana Raze and the Irwin Hellions – who annually close out their regular seasons against one another – will open one up as well, as the Raze visit Purgatory Field in the first of two Western Division showdowns. Last season, the Hellions and Raze decided a hard-fought division race with a rather anti-climactic 30-30 tie in the Hellhole, giving the title to the Hellions for the second consecutive season.

The Raze made the playoffs on the strength of a 8-4-1 record nonetheless, kicking Thomas out before being shown the door by Jody in Championship Week. The emergence of Larry Johnson was a big part of Piana's return to the postseason, and the Johnson-Tiki Barber tandem is expected to keep them competitive this season was well. This didn't stop Piana from tinkering under the hood in the offseason, as the Raze brought back Marc Bulger to run the offense and added controversial playmaker Terrell Owens to the receiving corps.

Irwin saw their own Super Bowl defense end on their home field last season, when the eventual 2005 champion Machines rolled past the Hellions 53-15 in the Western Championship Game. Things just seemed to go from bad to worse in the offseason, with news that Domanick Davis will miss out on all of 2006 with an injury. The Hellions still have viable threats in the QB duo of Eli Manning and Donovan McNabb, along with Edgerrin James, Chad Johnson, and Andre Johnson, but the lack of depth could be a big factor in the season to come.

victims of the bye week: none

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The defending Super Bowl Champion Abstract Machines host the Draft Bowl Champion Pirk's Wicked Oil Profieer$ in the Week 1 Game of the Week. The Machines made a dramatic postseason run, sneaking into the playoffs with a 6-6-1 record before knocking off three of the top four seeds in winning the League Championship. P.W.O.P., by sharp contrast, was the first team to fall out of the playoff hunt in '05 before regrouping for a Draft Bowl win.

Pirk actually dominated its last two games of 2005, besting Thomas and Sims by a combined 86-12. The latter victory gave them first dibs in the draft, and the Profiteer$ gleefully welcomed Reggie Bush into the fold. Could this be a repeat of 1998, when the Draft Bowl Champion Players selected Randy Moss first overall, and the rookie receiver helped propel the franchise to a Championship Week appearance? Oil Town certainly hopes so; two straight seasons finishing as the league's No. 9 seed is probably enough. P.W.O.P. has to feel good about this game, however, as they are 2-0-1 in their past three meetings with their Mechanical rivals.

Much like the Stereco and the Bock Boys, the Machines have never won a division title, but a Super Bowl victory supercedes any other award and immortalizes a franchise. Yet a 6-6-1 record will not guarantee a playoff spot every year, and surviving another 2-5-1 mark within divisional play seems unlikely. The Champions know they can still get better, so they traded for Willis McGahee and brought in Dominic Rhodes, Joe Jurevicius, and Lee Evans from the draft. But questions still abound: Can Tom Brady and Willie Parker rekindle last year's magic and keep the Machines comfortably afloat? Can they possibly excel knowing every team will be gunning for the Champs, week in and week out?

Guess there's just one thing left to do: Let the games begin.

victims of the bye week: none

back to scoreboard