Week 5's lone Eastern Division matchup pits the 1-3 Figs against the 1-3 Pimps. Both clubs started the season strong with Opening Weekend wins, but they have since gone on to lose three straight. Mercifully, that slide should end this week for one of these 2004 playoff contenders.

The Pimps are coming off a rough outing against the Machines in which no player scored in the double-digits. Workhorses Shaun Alexander and Corey Dillon will need to keep the chains the moving and find the endzone in order to keep pressure on the offensively-challenged Figs. The Naughty Ones' best chance of pulling out a win may reside with its defensive combo of the Steelers and Colts. Should the starting unit have a big game, then the offense may be just good enough to get them past another opponent.

victims of the bye week:
Pimps - QB Collins, RB Bennett, REC Burleson
Figs - RB Jordan, REC Porter

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The Abstract Machines finally broke into the win column last week and will now be looking to keep that momentum going as they travel to face the Eastern Division's Sims Stereco. As with the last two seasons, Sims finished the first month with a record of 2-2. But things went downhill from there, and the Stereco missed the playoff cut in both 2003 and 2004. A win this week would bump them to 3-2, which would be a five-game record they haven't seen since 2001.

The Machines routed The Pimps last week thanks largely to defense and special teams, where the Ravens D (16) and picked-up placekicker Neil Rackers (21) combined for 37 points. The receiving corps finally showed life as well, but the ground game started to stall as it appears age may finally be catching up to ironman Curtis Martin. Sims also scored a Week 4 victory courtesy of two new pick-ups: the Saints defense (18 points) and Sebastian Janikowski (14). Seabass will have to sit this one out on bye, however, and with an injured David Akers the Stereco may be short-footed on special teams. Then again, with the likes of Terrell Owens and Larry Fitzgerald working the defense, a kicker may not be missed.

victims of the bye week:
Machines - REC Shockey
Sims - K Janikowski

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Jody's Colossal Waste of Time concludes their Road Trip from Hell in the Hellhole (appropriately enough) to take on the defending champion Irwin Hellions. After a 2-0 start at home, Jody has dropped two straight on the road against Thomas and Anderson. Irwin comes into Week 5 having improved his overall team performance in each and every week, and must be licking his chops to host last year's Draft Bowl winner.

The C.W.O.T. have lacked a double-digit scorer on offense the last two weeks, but they will likely need someone to break that barrier if they're to keep up with the Hellions. Most starters have played well – if not consistent – but not yet at a level that strikes fear into the hearts of opponents. Irwin, perhaps, is at that level. Donovan McNabb has averaged 15 points per game over his past three starts, while Edgerrin James has averaged 9 in that same span. Throw in Irwin's Falcons defense, which has posted 47 points in the past two weeks alone, and it becomes pretty clear to see that the champs have reloaded for a legitimate title defense.

victims of the bye week:
Jody - none
Irwin - QB Manning

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The first chapter of Pirkle Bowl VI begins this week in Bockville, where Thomas' Bock Boys look to rebound from their first loss on the season as they host Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$. Thomas fell once again in the Hellhole last week, dropping its record to 3-1, while the 1-2-1 Profiteer$ are coming off their first loss since Kickoff Weekend. The last time these two met on the field, however, no one lost; they settled for a 29-29 tie.

Pirk is having a tough time sending out the better quarterback for each game. Brett Favre and Byron Leftwich have both flopped each time they've been given the starting assignment, which has led directly to P.W.O.P.'s slow start. Pirk will welcome back two big weapons to the lineup, as both Hines Ward and Chris Chambers are coming back off a bye. On the other sideline, it seems that most of Thomas' starting lineup is going on bye. Daunte Culpepper, Priest Holmes, Plaxico Burress, Tony Gonzales, and former Profiteer Randy Moss will all be sitting this one out. With so many potential points on the sidelines, the Bock Boys may have to pull out all of the stops to avoid dropping their second straight.

victims of the bye week:
P.W.O.P. - REC Robinson
Thomas - QB Culpepper, RB Holmes, REC Burress, REC Moss, REC Gonzales

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The Week 5 Game of the Week comes to us from Saint Arnold Stadium, where the Anderson Brewmeisters – co-leaders in the Eastern Division – host the Piana Raze, who co-lead in the West. The Raze sport the league's longest active winning streak (3 games), while Anderson has won its last two to even its record.

Piana is off to a great start in 2005. Last season, the Raze were 1-3 after four weeks and couldn't claw their way back up, but a pair of draftees have helped reverse that start this season. The Bengals defense have been a force, averaging 18 points per game, and first overall pick Julius Jones has given a solid 7 ppg. Tiki Barber has been the most productive offensive starter to date, but he – along with starting QB Trent Green and rookie Troy Williamson – will be sitting this one out on bye. As a result, Jamal Lewis will likely get his first start in the backfield, and Piana will need him to rediscover his dominating ways if they're going to hang with the high-octane Brewmeisters.

Anderson narrowly leads the league in overall team performance (by a single point over Irwin), and LaDainian Tomlinson is a big reason why. LT is averaging 12 points per contest and leads all running backs in point production (53). Torry Holt is still his reliable self, and Peyton Manning finally woke up after a two-game funk to torch Jody for 17 points last week. Surprisingly, the Patriots defense has been a weak link for the 2005 Brew Krew, and they'll need to improve if Anderson plans on defending their Eastern Division title.

The Brewmeisters are familiar with stopping Piana's winning ways; last season, Anderson crushed the Raze, 58-24, in Week 12 at En Fuego Field, snapping Piana's four-game winning streak and crippling their shot at making the playoffs. Will the Brew Krew be able to douse the Raze once again? Stay tuned...

victims of the bye week:
Piana - QB Green, RB Barber, RB Johnson, REC Williamson
Anderson - DEF Minnesota

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