Jody's Colossal Waste of Time – last year's Draft Bowl victor – sit alone atop the Eastern Division after three weeks of play. The schedule has been kind to them, with two home games to open the season (both wins), but now the C.W.O.T. are immersed in a murderer's row of away games. Having already lost in Bockville last week, Jody plays in Saint Arnold Stadium this week before moving on to the Hellhole for Week 5. But you have to play them as they come, and due up is a highly energized Brewmeister squad that's coming off an improbable victory over The Pimps.

The Brewmeisters very narrowly avoided an 0-3 start to its 2004 division title defense. The schedule-maker didn't do them any favors either, with each of their first four games against a different divisional opponent. The squad came up big last week, but one has to wonder if the team can keep its head above water while Peyton Manning struggles to find the endzone. A 1-3 divisional record after just four weeks could put a crimp on a third division title for the franchise.

victims of the bye week:
Jody - RB Brown, DEF Miami
Anderson - none

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It's easy to dismiss the Naughty Figs–Sims Stereco matchup as the least compelling of the week. Despite a Championship Week appearance last season, the Figs have historically been a lottery team, while the Stereco have gone two straight years without so much as a sniff of the playoffs. Both clubs are off to another slow start in 2005, and one is likely to be tagged with their third loss of the season in just four weeks.

Aside from Willis McGahee, the FIgs' offense has struggled to produce. Quarterback Chad Pennington is now likely lost for the season (again), which could mean J.P. Losman will get his first start. The Bills defense – which was so dominant in the season opener against Anderson – has only combined for 5 points in the two games since. Sims also needs more production from the defensive side of the ball, but Mike Vick and Terrell Owens have been very impressive on offense in the early weeks. Former Fig Fred Taylor has also been brought in and has helped stabilize an anemic backfield. The Stereco were swept by the Figgies last season and are now out for a little redemption against a franchise they used to dominate.

victims of the bye week:
Figs - RB Williams, DEF Pittsburgh
Sims - none

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The last time The Pimps and the Abstract Machines squared off between the hashmarks was during last season's Wild Card Week (won decisively by the Machines 52-9). At the time, those two playoff teams had a combined record of 15-11. Fast-forward to 2005, and the same two franchises have only one win between them after three weeks.

The Pimps, who sport that one win, probably should have two, were it not for a herculean 22-point effort last week from Anderson's LaDainian Tomlinson. Yet even at 1-2, The Pimps are averaging an impressive 35 points per contest, thanks largely to Shaun Alexander, Corey Dillon, and Jimmy Smith, who all have a knack for finding the endzone. The Machines, meanwhile, are trying plug holes in an underachieving lineup. Curtis Martin, Marvin Harrison, and the Ravens defense have been mere shadows of themselves thus far, and the team simply can't afford for their sub par production to continue.

victims of the bye week:
Pimps - K Reed
Machines - QB Roethlisberger, RB Parker, RB Benson, DEF Chicago

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The Piana Raze head back out onto the road following a 2-0 homestand to take on Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ in Oil Town. Like the Raze, the Profiteer$ rebounded after a Week 1 loss to score a Week 2 victory, but they then had to settle for a tie last week against the Machines due to a late-game field goal miss.

Piana comes into this meeting with Pirk having won three straight in the series, and will try and ride Tiki Barber and Julius Jones to a fourth. Trent Green and the receiving corps have been slow to come around, but the ground game and the aggressive Bengals defense have been superb. Pirk is looking for consistency from his offense; both Byron Leftwich and Brett Favre have failed to make the most of their chances behind center, and Ahman Green and Rudi Johnson have yet to impress. The same certainly can't be said for rookie Carnell Williams, who posted 8 points in his first start. Pirk will have to go into battle without two of its hottest weapons as receivers Chris Chambers and Hines Ward will be sitting out on bye.

victims of the bye week:
Piana - none
P.W.O.P. - REC Ward, REC Chambers

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Thomas' Bock Boys are the last undefeated team standing in 2005, but that perfect record is going to get its toughest test this week as the Boys travel to Purgatory Field to take on the Irwin Hellions. For those unfamiliar with Thomas' current plight, the Bock Boys have lost all six games they've ever played in the Hellhole by an average score of 50-22.

Amazingly, Thomas is undefeated despite Daunte Culpepper having posted minus-4 points in two starts. Drew Bledsoe took his place last week and ripped the C.W.O.T. for 13 points, igniting a QB controversy across sports talk radio in Bockville. Randy Moss, who was traded for during the offseason, has been everything he was advertised as and leads the offense with 23 points. Shayne Graham has been even better on special teams, booting 28 points in the three-game winning streak.

The defending champs are only 2-1, having lost in Oil Town by two point in Week 2, but their overall team performance has improved each week. Donovan McNabb has been the best starting quarterback in the league with 33 points, and Chad Johnson (25) and Edgerrin James (22) are also off to hot starts. A pair of Texans – Andre Johnson and Domanick Davis – are not, however, having combined for only 10 points.

But how can you bet against history? The Hellhole is like kryptonite to the Boys from Bockville. Yet should Thomas turn history on its head and down the Hellions, they would put two games between themselves and the defending division champs in the standings. And that would be huge heading into the middle third of the season.

victims of the bye week:
Thomas - RB Droughns, REC Edwards
Irwin - none

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