The final week of the 2004 regular season kicks off with a battle of old vs. new in the Eastern Division. Up until last week, Jody's Colossal Waste of Time were the defending Division Champions; as of last Monday that title's been reduced from "defending" to "past". The Anderson Brewmeisters, on the strength of a four-game winning streak, have won their second division title with still a game to spare.

Jody was never really a factor in the 2004 race. This season has been so brutal to the Pewter & Black that they could find themselves in their first ever Draft Bowl next week. Yet the C.W.O.T. picked themselves up off the mat last week to upset The Pimps and stop a franchise-record six-game slide. Draft Bowl or not, Aaron Brooks, Javon Walker, and the rest of the team want to close out with their first winning streak of the season. From the other sideline, the Brewmeisters may have trouble getting pumped up for this one. The division and a first round bye are already theirs, and they would need both a win and a Machines' loss to snag the No. 1 postseason seed. But they'll probably let Peyton Manning go for his eighth straight double-digit effort anyhow.

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The league's last two Super Bowl champions tee it up as Thomas' Bock Boys host the Sims Stereco in the final interdivisional contest of the season. The West has sewn up the season series (they lead 13-11) and Sims is already playoff ineligible with eight losses, which leaves any significance to this game squarely on the Bock Boys.

Surprisingly, Thomas is in practically the exact same position they were this time last year. A Week 13 win guarantees the Boys a playoff spot, while a loss would leave their fate in the hands of the Raze. Priest Holmes and company won that Week 13 game a year ago and then went on a postseason rampage that ended with a Super Bowl victory. Holmes has missed two straight heading into this one, so it may be up to the ring-less Reuben Droughens to get his team back into the playoffs for a fifth straight year. As for the Stereco, not much has gone right for them in 2004. Ricky Williams quit the team over the summer, and Marshall Faulk has flamed out as a replacement, leaving only Mike Vick or Terrell Owens as candidates for the cover of the team's 2005 gameday program. A third consecutive loss could send the Men of Stereco back to the Draft Back for the first time since 1998.

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The Abstract Machines play host to Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ with one last chance to clinch their first ever Western Division title. The Machines have been alone in the West's drivers seat since Week 9, but the Irwin Hellions have stayed right with them and could steal the title away should the the Mechanical Ones falter.

The Profiteer$ are coming off a rare tie with Thomas' Bock Boys, and now a season-ending win could spare them a Draft Bowl berth, depending on how Sims fares against Thomas in Bockville. Like the Stereco, P.W.O.P. has had a rough go of it in 2004, with injuries to Randy Moss and Ahman Green limiting the team's firepower. From the opposite end of the standings, the Machines are enjoying a banner year. The addition of Tom Brady, Curtis Martin, and Jerome Bettis has given the Abstracts a whole new identity, and one more victory will immortalize them as Division Champs.

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The playoffs start a week early for the Piana Raze, who host the rival Irwin Hellions in a must-win game at En Fuego Field. With last week's loss to Anderson, Piana currently trails three other contenders for the three available wild card spots, and another Raze loss would automatically send the defending Western Division Champs home for the holidays. A win, however, would punch their own playoff ticket and deny either The Pimps, Figs, or Bock Boys a spot in the six-team field.

The Hellions enter Week 13 as the league's second hottest team, with their three-game winning streak trailing only the Brewmeisters' four. This late-season surge has them within striking distance of the division-leading Machines; a high-scoring Irwin victory coupled with a lower-scoring Machines loss could tip the tiebreaking scales in the Hellions' favor. Yet even should the Machines take care of business against the Stereco, a Hellion victory over Piana would still guarantee Irwin a home game in next week's Wild Card round.

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With losses last week, both the Naughty Figs and The Pimps conceded the Eastern Division crown to the Anderson Brewmeisters. Now, the two bridesmaids get to fight over second place and a home playoff game in next week's Wild Card round. Adding an even greater sense of urgency to this season-closing game, the loser could potentially miss out on the playoffs altogether should Piana and Thomas both score victories.

The Pimps started the season with a bang, winning five straight out of the gate. Their fortunes turned quickly, however, following a Week 6 loss to the Figs. Since then, they've only won two of their last six (with both of those against the 4-8 Stereco). The defense and kicking game have suddenly become suspect, and David Carr has regressed from a hot start. Corey Dillon and Shaun Alexander need to step up for The Pimps to guarantee a return to the playoffs after missing out in 2003.

The Naughty Figs have never been closer to a playoff berth. Yet after a 7-2 start that had them leading the pack in the East, a three-game slide has dropped them squarely back on the bubble. Their seven wins is already a franchise best, but if they were to somehow miss out on the postseason, it would be all for naught. The Figs have always played The Pimps well, and the emergence of Willis McGahee and the possible return of Chad Pennington could be enough to finally extend their season.

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