The Naughty Figs are entering foreign territory. No, not the Vortex; they've been here before. Rather, the Figs are heading into the second half of the season atop the Eastern Division, and they'll kick off the home stretch with a return bout against the defending division champion Jody's Colossal Waste of Time.

The Figs are winning with balance. No one offensive player has totaled more than 50 points for the season, yet the team is 5-2. Santana Moss has been a bust and Clinton Portis' numbers have declined, yet other role players step up and the team continues to win. For the C.W.O.T., only a handful of players have been healthy long enough to actually meld as team. Javon Walker and Chris Brown (when healthy) have been golden, but another offseason addition, Matt Hasselbeck, arguably cost them the game against Thomas last week. Now, with Aaron Brooks out on bye, Hasselbeck will get another shot, this time against his former team.

victims of the bye week:
Figs - REC Horn
Jody - QB Brooks, RB McAllister, RB Jackson

back to scoreboard

The Sims Stereco take aim at their first divisional victory of the year as they visit The Pimps in an Eastern showdown. Despite being 0-4 in divisional play so far, the Stereco are just a single victory away from being .500 and in the thick of the playoff hunt. The 5-2 Pimps, meanwhile, are looking to break back into the win column and maintain their position atop the division.

David Akers and Terrell Owens came up big for Sims in last week's win over Piana, and they may need to do so again as the Stereco's biggest weapon on the ground, Marshall Faulk, sits this one out on bye. Of course, some consistency from quarterback Michael Vick wouldn't hurt either. From the other sideline, The Pimps may have found their signal-caller of the future in David Carr, who will be returning fresh from his bye. And as if they needed any more reason to get up for a divisional game, longtime Pimps Shaun Alexander and Rod Smith can't get back on the field fast enough atone for last week's 79-29 debacle against the Hellions.

victims of the bye week:
Sims - RB Faulk, DEF New Orleans, REC Bryant
Pimps - REC Bruce

back to scoreboard

Beer Bowl V finds itself in Bockville this season as the Anderson Brewmeisters hit the road to meet up with Thomas' Bock Boys. Anderson saw its four-game win streak snapped last week by the Machines, while Thomas downed Jody for its second straight victory. History will be going against a Brewmeister rebound, however, as Anderson has yet to find a way to beat the Boys in five tries.

Peyton Manning was superb in defeat for Anderson last week, but he'll need better support this time around. With Brian Westbrook nursing a rib injury, pickup Mewelde Moore could see his first action alongside the ever-dangerous LaDainian Tomlinson. The Brewmeisters will be out a major threat this week, however, as Torry Holt sits out on bye. For Thomas, one man's Peyton is another's Daunte, as Culpepper has emerged as the most explosive offensive weapon in the league. And when Daunte's not throwing, he's handing off to Priest Holmes, who proved last week he's still The Man. Should be fun to see the Patriot and Eagle defenses trying to contain all the firepower on the field.

victims of the bye week:
Anderson - REC Holt, REC Stallworth
Thomas - K Wilkins, REC Davis

back to scoreboard

The West-leading Abstract Machines return to divisional play to host the struggling Piana Raze. The Machines come into this one having won four straight games, while Piana has dropped three of four in that same span.

A week after choking against the Stereco, the visiting Raze have no choice but to go with Jake Plummer again as Marc Bulger sits this one out on bye. With rookie receiver Michael Clayton also on bye and Jamal Lewis serving out his two-game suspension, the Raze will be short on playmakers. The pressure will be on Plummer and Tiki Barber to help keep the Raze close. The Machines will be at full strength for this one and might even have Anquan Bolding back on the sidelines. With or without the sophomore receiver, Tom Brady, Marvin Harrison, and the Ravens defense would like nothing better than to sweep the season series from the defending division champions.

victims of the bye week:
Piana - QB Bulger, RB Green, REC Clayton
Machines - none

back to scoreboard

It's not often a 1-6 team finds itself in the Game of the Week, but Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ will be playing under the lights as they visit the Irwin Hellions at Purgatory Field. P.W.O.P. is a league-worst 1-6, with that lone victory at the expense of the Hellions back in Week 3. On the heels of a 50-point blowout over the Eastern-leading Pimps, Donovan McNabb and Company are eager to avenge that earlier loss to Oil Men.

P.W.O.P. is halfway through what's already been a nightmare of a season. Underachievement and injury have hammered the Profiteer$ for the better part of two months, and now P.W.O.P. is left to stave off playoff elimination as best they can. At 1-6, Pirk would need to go 5-1 to be playoff eligible, or their three-year playoff streak will come to an end. But at the very least, Pirk might need some new bodies to give it the ol' college try. Steve McNair and Randy Moss are banged up, while Travis Henry and Rudi Johnson aren't performing up to last year's standard. Ahman Green and Hines Ward might need some heroic efforts to keep Pirk in the game.

The Hellions remain a mystery. After two impressive wins to start the season, they dropped two in a row to P.W.O.P. and Sims. A week after being shutout by Thomas 58-0, they blast past The Pimps 79-29. So which Hellion team should we expect for this one? Here's what we do know: Donovan McNabb is The Man. Andre Johnson and Edgerrin James are also having fine campaigns. The same can't be said for Chris Chambers, Chad Johnson, and Domanick Davis, who have all struggled out of the gate. It could come down to the defense, where Irwin's Falcons squad – picked up to replace the Hellions' long-standing Bucs squad – is coming off a horrific minus-2 point game.

Regardless of records, this is going to be a game of pride. Pirk doesn't like having only one win on the board, while Irwin hates being that only win. The Hellhole hath no fury.

victims of the bye week:
P.W.O.P. - none
Irwin - none

back to scoreboard