Eastern Division rivals Sims Stereco and the Naughty Figs lead off the fight card for Kickoff Weekend 2004. The two teams last met in the season's final week a year ago, with Sims claiming its seventh win in eight career games against the Naughty Ones.

Despite that Week 13 victory, the Stereco become the second straight defending Super Bowl Champion to fail to reach the playoffs (Irwin suffered a similar fate the year before, going all the way from Super to Draft Bowl in twelve months time). Making matters worse for the Red & Gold, star halfback Ricky Williams suddenly retired a week before training camp. Luckily, proven – but fragile – veteran Marshall Faulk fell into their hands with the third overall pick in this year's draft, and he should be able to pile up the yards when healthy. Yet perhaps more important to the success of the 2004 Stereco than any offseason acquisition, Michael Vick will be back behind center after missing all of 2003 with an ankle injury.

Like the Stereco, the Naughty Figs missed out the 2003 playoffs. Unlike Sims – and the other eight teams in the league – the Figs have failed to make the playoff field in each of the last four seasons, aka: their entire existence. Yet 2004 brings new hope for a team looking to get a rather large monkey off its back. Gone is Matt Hasselbeck, leaving Chad Pennington holding the quarterback reigns. Lucky for him, management has practically brought in a whole new receiving corps, adding Santana Moss, Plaxico Burress, and Roy Williams through the draft and trades. Starting their season off with a win would be huge for the Figs, but victories against the Stereco have been elusive to date.

victims of the bye week: none

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In the other Eastern Division showdown, the Anderson Brewmeisters look to build off a Draft Bowl victory as they visit The Pimps to start their season. The Pimps helped knock Anderson from playoff contention with a 36-35 victory in Week 12 last year.

The Brewmeisters went on to lose a Week 13 matchup with Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$, and a series of tiebreakers landed them in the Draft Bowl with the Naughty Figs. A 36-35 win later, Anderson made the accomplished New England defense the first overall draft pick in hopes of fixing its weak link from last year. Offensively, the team still leans on Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Torry Holt to put up the big numbers. Despite all the big-name talent, Anderson has only finished the regular season with a winning record twice in six years, having last done so in 2000.

In contrast, The Pimps' 6-7 mark from last year snapped a four-season winning streak and put the kibosh on a sixth straight playoff appearance. Looking for a return to glory and to compete for a record fourth Eastern Division title in 2004, The Pimps added Jake Delhomme, Corey Dillon, and Robert Ferguson to an offense that was carried almost single handedly last season by Shaun Alexander. furthermore, with two talented young defenses in Dallas and Houston in the fold, the Feathered Ones are out to prove that 2003 was a fluke.

victims of the bye week: none

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Kicking off the first of three matchups involving playoff teams from a year ago, the two defending division champions square off in the season's first interdivisional tilt. The Piana Raze won the Western Crown for the third time before bowing to Thomas in Super Bowl VII. Not to be shown up, Jody's Colossal Waste of Time also won its division title for the third time in 2003 and also lost to Thomas in the postseason.

On the heels of their Super Bowl defeat, Piana went to work retooling the offense. They first sent the up-and-coming Santana Moss to Jody in exchange for Marc Bulger, who replaces Brad Johnson in the starting lineup. Johnson, who tossed four interceptions in the Super Bowl, was not even invited to camp. The Raze also added a slew of young talent, including halfbacks Kevan Barlow and Julius Jones, in hopes of striking prospect gold.

Jody also pulled in some blue-chippers from the draft, signing Chris Brown, Steven Jackson, and Javon Walker. The C.W.O.T. also turned around and dealt Santana Moss to the Figs for Matt Hasselbeck, giving them a capable one-two quarterback punch of Hasselbeck and Aaron Brooks. Checking the history books, Jody's last victory in 2003 came against the Raze in Week 12, a 31-30 squeaker at En Fuego Field. That win gave the C.W.O.T. a perfect 5-0 interdivisional record for the second straight season. Undoubtedly, with a lifetime record of 29-9 against the West, Jody has no fears about playing outside of their division.

victims of the bye week: none

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The Abstract Machines make a return trip to Purgatory Field to take on the Irwin Hellions in a rematch of last season's Wild Card heartstopper, a 21-20 slugfest won by the Hellions.

The Machines are bringing most of their team back for the return engagement, but will be sporting a much better ground attack. Whereas T. J. Duckett carried the load from the backfield in their last meeting, draftees Curtis Martin and Duce Staley are expected to open up the attack for Trent Green, Marvin Harrison, and company. For the first time in his career, Martin will be suiting up in a uniform other than Irwin's, and it must be quite motivating to have his first game as a Machine be up against his former club.

The Hellions cut Martin in Week 4 of last year, replacing him with Domanick Davis. The promising rookie halfback helped Irwin bounce back from a Draft Bowl appearance the year before to an eventual Championship Week berth. The Hellions' playoff lineup returns virtually intact for the start of the 2004 campaign, having only made a switch at kicker. With another year under their belt, Irwin expects the Hellion youth to catapult them to a fourth division title.

victims of the bye week: none

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The defending Super Bowl Champion Thomas' Bock Boys begin their title defense in Kickoff Weekend's Game of the Week, hosting division – not to mention kindred – rival Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$. Thomas scored a hat trick from Pirk last season, winning all three meetings with the Profiteer$, including a wild 51-50 overtime Wild Card thriller.

It's not secret to the league that the Profiteer$ are a dangerous team. Offensively, they're on of the best. Steve McNair, Ahman Green, Randy Moss, and Hines Ward are devastatingly good at putting up points. The problem with Pirk last season, was that it couldn't stop the other team from doing the same. Three times P.W.O.P. lost games in which they scored 40 or more points. Three other times they won games in which they gave up 40 or more. Surprisingly, they decided to stick with the Tennessee defense that was on duty during last year's four game slide near the end of the season. If they can play better and do a better job of forcing turnovers, there's no reason why the good ol' boys from Oil Town can't compete for their first division title.

Thomas already has a Western Division title (2002), and now has a Lombardi Trophy to boot, following a blistering run through the postseason that saw two of their three wins decided by a single point. Reigning MVP Priest Holmes is likely to wreak havoc on opponents again this year, and Daunte Culpepper has proven that Thomas is not a one-man show. First Round draftee Quentin Griffin could give the Bock Boys the explosive No. 2 back they've been missing in recent seasons. Having two dangerous backs behind the quarterback would be particularly good for Thomas, whose primary receiving threat – Keenan McCardell – is still holding out.

The Champagne has long since been put away, and the parade ended months ago. It's a new season, and the Bock Boys are looking to avoid the plagues of recent Super Bowl Champions. Not only have the past two Champs failed to make the playoffs the following year, but they even failed to win their respective season openers. The pressure is on under the hot lights of Bockville.

victims of the bye week: none

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