Week 5 kicks off with an Eastern Division clash between the Anderson Brewmeisters and the Naughty Figs. The Brewmeisters hit the road on a high note, having dismantled the rival C.W.O.T. by 44 points last week. The Figs limp home after yet another hard-luck loss to yet another divisional opponent. If the Brewmeisters can score a win here, it will complete a first-half 4-0 sweep of Eastern teams over the rebuilding Figs.

Anderson's offense had a record-setting day against Jody, but the Brewmeisters have to hope LaDainian Tomlinson, Fred Taylor, and the rest have something left in the tank for the Figs. Indeed, everything but the defense clicked last week, and the lack of productivity from that position is further cause for concern. Yet that may be a moot point, as the Figs have allowed the most points in the league (a staggering 43.75 ppg). The home team may just be up for another shootout, with Rich Gannon coming off a 20-point effort against The Pimps. Fig halfback Lamar Smith, who has been one of the big surprises in the league this year, is averaging over 10 points a game and is looking to power his team back into the win column. Last season, these two teams split their season series in peculiar fashion, with each visiting team claiming a one-point victory over their hosts.

victims of the bye week:
Anderson - none
Figs - QB Harrington, RB Wells, REC Robinson

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Jody's Colossal Waste of Time wraps up a three-game road trip with a visit to the rejuvenated Sims Stereco. The C.W.O.T. were absolutely mauled last week by the Brewmeisters, 76-32, in suffering their first loss of the season. The Stereco, meanwhile, come into this one having won two straight and are humming on offense.

Jody's offense, by contrast, showed only small signs of life last week. Aaron Brooks, who had his worst game for Jody against Anderson, looks to rebound in his first meeting with the team that traded him away. Yet more important than an offensive boost, the C.W.O.T. will need their defense to get over their horrific minus-5 debacle last week and put the clamps on Sims' offensive weapons. The Stereco, who boast the second most Points For in the league, play down talk of a quarterback controversy between Michael Vick and Drew Bledsoe, both of which have had successful starts to the season. There's no such debate in the backfield, where Ricky Williams has raised his game beyond expectations. Joining Ricky behind the QB is former C.W.O.T. back Stephen Davis, who would like nothing better than to contribute towards a win over the team that found him expendable in the offseason.

Victims of the bye week:
Jody - none
Sims - none

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In an early season battle of division leaders, the East-leading Pimps make their first ever visit to Bockville to lock horns with the West-leading Thomas' Bock Boys. At 3-0-1, The Pimps sport the best record in the league. Thomas, meanwhile, is credited with half (3) of all wins from the Western Division.

The Pimps will be without their big star-of-the-moment against the B-Boys. Shaun Alexander, who racked up 27 points in a come-from-behind win over the Naughty Figs last week, will be resting his legs on a bye. Emmitt Smith will get the start in his place alongside Jerome Bettis, who has been largely unproductive this season. Yet the team has excelled thanks to the receiving corps, where Jerry Rice, Peerless Price, and Rod Smith has kept opponents on their heels. Thomas counters this assault with Priest Holmes, who has taken over as the premiere back in the league. The Boys will be without Daunte Culpepper, however, who will also be out on a bye. In his place, Brad Johnson will make his return to the league as he tries to lead the home team past the Eastern Division's defending champs.

Victims of the bye week:
Pimps - QB Carr, RB S. Alexander, REC D. Alexander
Thomas - QB Culpepper

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The defining difference between the 2002 versions of the Piana Raze and Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ is this: P.W.O.P. defeated Irwin and Piana did not. Otherwise, both clubs are an even 0-2-1. So now the winless Raze take to road in hopes of finding Win Number One at the Profiteer$' expense.

P.W.O.P.'s season started promisingly enough. They tied the Abstract Machines before finally getting that Hellion monkey off their backs, but then dropped two straight in uncompetitive fashion to Eastern teams. The offensive backfield has struggled recently. Jeff Garcia and Steve McNair have split starts, Ahman Green is fighting back injuries, and Travis Henry keeps putting the ball on the turf. The receivers, on the other hand, have done well, even in light of Randy Moss' abysmal play to star the season. As for the visiting Raze, Tom Brady has been a star in relief of the injured Kurt Warner, but a run-and-shoot offense can only be expected to do so much. While it should be a long year for Piana regardless, it could be just as long a year for the P.W.O.P. should they lose their third straight by succumbing to the winless Raze.

Victims of the bye week:
Piana - none
P.W.O.P. - REC Moss, REC Gaffney

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The Game of the Week bounces back to the West - and more specifically, Purgatory Field - this week as the 2-2 Irwin Hellions play host to the 0-2-2 Abstract Machines.

The Machines have stumbled out of the gate and are winless after four games, a franchise first. Marshall Faulk and Corey Dillon have been mortal in their efforts thus far, and quarterback Drew Brees' is beginning to exhibit growing pains. The front office improved the defense last week though, dumping the ineffective Rams defense for a toothier Bronco squad. With so much talent on the roster, it can only be a matter of time before the Machines finally snap their five-game winless streak.

Standing between the Machines and victory this week are the three-time defending division champion Hellions. Irwin has won back-to-back divisional games after starting the season 0-2, but their shallow depth is beginning to rear its ugly head. Curtis Martin has yet to shake off a sprained ankle, and last week against the Raze, two of their scheduled starting receivers failed to even take the field. Irwin survived that game thanks to their aggressive Buccaneer defense, but even that can't keep its 20-point pace forever.

Many figured the Machines and Irwin to be the top two challengers for the Western crown, but both find themselves chasing the Bock Boys a third of the way into the season. Neither wants to do the other a favor by ending up on the short end of the scoreboard here.

Victims of the bye week:
Machines - REC Jackson, REC Bradford
Irwin - none

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