The Week That Was in Fantasy League Football

Thomas' Bock Boys traveled to do battle with the division rival Machines, needing a win to guarantee a playoff spot. Just prior to kickoff, the visiting team became substantially more handicapped when it was determined that Daunte Culpepper - the lone quarterback on the roster - would have to sit out. The Bock Boys responded to such adversity by posting the week's best effort and routing the Machines 51-35 to clinch their second straight playoff appearance. This was a war fought on the ground, and Thomas' Priest Holmes - issuing a game-high 19 points - and Antowain Smith (10 points) outran the Machines power duo of Marshall Faulk (11 points) and Corey Dillon (7). Kicker Phil Dawson booted 10 additional points for Thomas while receiver Darrell Jackson gave it his all for the home team, scoring 8 points. The Bock Boys were as aggressive as always on defense, with their Eagles team besting their opponent's Rams squad 17-12. The win for Thomas evens both clubs' records at a playoff-bound 7-6. More significantly, the win gives Thomas an important season sweep of the Machines and locks up Wild Card game in Bockville next week. Their Wild Card opponents shall be familiar ones: these very Abstract Machines.

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The late-season collapse of the Naughty Figs and sudden rise of the Sims Stereco completed themselves this weekend as Sims kept its perfect record against the Figs intact with a 29-22 victory. Stereco quarterback Kurt Warner led his team's return to the playoffs with a strong 11-point effort, backed by Ricky Williams with a modest 7 and Davis Akers with 6. The Figs, however, couldn't get any kind of offense going. Once again, Rich Gannon led his team in scoring with 7, but the next highest scorer was Lamar Smith with a modest 5 points. Their defense did show up this week, as the Browns mauled Sims' Giants squad 13-3, but it wasn't enough to overcome the deficiencies in offense. The win, Sims' second straight while facing playoff ineligibility, pulls the Stereco into a tie with the Figs for the final playoff spot. The Stereco, however, win the head-to-head tiebreak over the Figs and will be awarded with their first trip beyond the regular season in two years. As for the fallen Figs, who all-told have lost four straight and seven of their final nine to fall out of the playoffs, they'll have to wait - yet again - until next year.

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Pirk's Wicked Oil Profiteer$ went into the land of giants and beat The Eastern Champion Pimps, snapping their league-record eight-game winning streak. P.W.O.P.'s Ahman Green (11) and Mike Alstott (8) combined for 19 points on the ground while Randy Moss seemed to have found his game with 8 of his own through the air. The Pimps countered with 10 from quarterback Mark Brunell, which was 15 points more than Alex Van Pelt scored at that same position last week. Place-kicker Jeff Wilkens was second in line with 8 points, but the rest of the offense - playing without Jerome Bettis - sputtered. Even Shaun Alexander, who had shined for weeks on end, could only muster a single point. Perhaps the greatest gametime victory for P.W.O.P. was a non-defeat on defense, where their inconsistent Raiders squad managed an 8-8 push with The Pimps' Packer defense to secure the upset. While The Pimps lost their chance at history with the defeat, their playoff fate had already been decided. Yet for the Profiteer$, the win is huge. First, it secures the franchise its first winning regular season in three years, and second, it locks up the No. 3 seed and a Wild Card home game next week.

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Although the Anderson Brewmeisters' coaches and front office explicitly instructed their players to play to win, it sure looked like they laid down against Jody's C.W.O.T. in an inverted battle for the Draft Bowl. Peyton Manning had another horrific start for the home team, coughing up three points to the rival C.W.O.T.. Duce Staley and Mike Vanderjagt refused to go down without a fight, however, in scoring 8 and 6 points, respectively. On the other sideline, Jody's offense had its way with the Brew Krew. Joe Horn led the charge with 10 points, while Stephen Davis (9 points) and Doug Flutie (8) helped keep the scoreboard lit. Jody's Miami defense, which benefited directly from Manning's poor effort, sealed the deal with a solid 16-9 win against Anderson's San Diego squad. The win is Jody's second straight to end the season, elevating their record to a still underachieving mark of 5-8. While there will be no Week 14 for the C.W.O.T., the 4-9 Brewmeisters will get their shot at the No. 1 Draft Pick as they take on the Piana Raze next week in Draft Bowl V.

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Neither team could change their postseason destiny with a win, but the morale of the Piana Raze sure needed one. With the offense doing close to nothing, the Raze's New Orleans defense willed itself to an upset of the three-time division champion Irwin Hellions, giving the Raze their first home victory in over a a calendar year. The visiting Hellions posted good numbers on offense thanks to Donovan McNabb's 10 points, Jimmy Smith's 9, and Curtis Martin's 7. Piana couldn't come close as quarterback Tom Brady posted a goose egg while Terrell Davis and Garrison Hearst led the team with 5 apiece. Yet that Saints defense, which posted 21 points last week against Jody, popped off a season high 27 against the Hellions. Irwin's Tampa Bay defense turned in a strong 11 points, but it wasn't enough to counter the New Orleans onslaught. As a result, the 9-4 Hellions absorb their third loss in four weeks to close out the regular season. Piana, meanwhile, improves to 4-9 with their first win since Week 7 and will travel to Saint Arnold Stadium to take on the Brewmeisters in Draft Bowl V.

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